magical realism, bitches!

(http://www.someecards.com/card/662)

Yes, I voted for Lorelai. Why is Gilmore Girls in the drama section? Wasn't it a comedy?

From:

YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FAVORITE. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE WHO SOLD ME DOWN THE RIVER AFTER I SHOWED CONCERN FOR THEIR CAT.

AND SINCE YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FAVORITE, I WILL WORK ON YOUR PROMPT ASAP. THERE.

From:

I decided to go with the second one.

*

Somehow they all end up in Ben's trailer while they wait for the snow to let up so they can continue shooting. Usually it's Stephanie's trailer they crash, since it contains the most booze, but Stephanie doesn't have any scenes today so it's up to Ben to entertain his co-stars.

"I have a six-pack and half a bag of Cheez Doodles," Ben says, after canvassing his trailer for sustenance.

"I miss Stephanie." Sophia sighs quietly, leaning against Alona's shoulder.

"I miss that silver tequila shit Stephanie gets across the border," Alona says.

"I have Gummi Bears?" Ben offers hopefully, finding a plastic baggie of candy that the seven-year-old "victim" from yesterday had given him.

Alona has an idea to soak the bears in beer and then shove a Cheez Doodle between two bears to make some sort of beer-infused gummi-bear-and-Cheez-Doodle sandwich. The result is disgusting and sort of tastes like what SVU must feel like to most of its viewers, but it occupies a good fifteen minutes and gives Sophia something to twitter about.

But the gummy bears run out and the PA tells them it'll be another half hour or so until they're ready, so they're back where they started.

"Let's play the Game," Sophia suggests.

"What game?" Ben asks.

"I thought we're supposed to be drunk when we play the Game," says Alona.

"Extenuating circumstances," says Sophia. "I'll start."

"Wait, what?" Ben asks, confused and mostly annoyed that he'd provided them with gummi bears to infuse with beer and in return the girls had kept him in the dark about whatever this stupid game is going to be.

"You'll catch on," Alona says, grinning. "I hope."

"A toaster," Sophia says.

"Ow." Alona thinks. "Okay, a tree. But not just any tree. A tree that is on the verge of extinction and he's an environmental studies major with a pill addiction."

"Complicated, and slightly disturbing," Sophia remarks.

"Slightly?" Ben still has no idea what is going on.

"A burrito," Sophia says. "But only if it's prepared properly. Bonus points if there is an eating disorder involved."

"Taxidermied --- is taxidermied a word? I don't care --- taxidermied animals."

"What do you think, Ben?" Sophia asks. "You ready for your turn?"

Ben rolls his eyes. He figured it out as soon as Sophia mentioned the eating disorder.

"Cake," he says. "Baked goods in general, but with a preference for cake. May or may not be due to the adverse influence of teen movies."

Grinning, Sophia glances at Ben and then back at Alona. "He catches on fast."

"Does this game have a name?" Ben asks.

"Yes," Alona answers. "It's called Name an Inanimate Object That Someone Will Have Sex With in a Future Episode, or NIOTSWHSWFE."

"Usually we just call it 'What's the Hell is Wrong with Neal,'" Sophia explains.

Ben nods. "Got it."

From:

kennedyismyhero.livejournal.com

It's been too long...so I politely request this:

or this:

From:

glitterberrys.livejournal.com

this makes me miss having an audience to write for. jesus, so much fun. i'll find a really good one.

From:

glitterberrys.livejournal.com

meh. i found a mediocre one that's likely to result in fic i want to read instead.

From:

Fishkeeper 'Verse (http://wizened-cynic.livejournal.com/277273.html#cutid1). It just worked out that way, okay?

*

Alex was picking snails out of the fish tank when someone knocked on the door. "I'll get it," Lorelai said, then hopped over a chair, crawled under the ironing board, and kicked her futon aside to open the door.

The man introduced himself as Jesus Christ Esposito.

"You're Jesus?" Lorelai asked, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the guy in question was seven feet tall, had a long, curved scar on his right cheek, and proudly displayed at least half a dozen prison tattoos on his forearms. "Awesome. Next time someone asks, I'm going to tell them I've already found you, thank you very much."

Jesus Christ Esposito remained poised. Alex contemplated whether to dial 911. Then she noticed the flowers he was holding and decided that she probably should dial 911. She wondered if she could discreetly unjam the window to the fire escape and make the call outside, since Lorelai's building managed to have the shittiest cellphone reception in all of Manhattan.

"These are for you," Jesus finally said, handing Lorelai the bouquet of slightly wilted daisies. "I just moved in next door. Thought I'd make myself known 'round these parts, you know what I mean?"

Lorelai brightened at the sight of the flowers. "Ooooh, thank you! I don't have anything for you though. I feel like I should give you a tuna casserole or something, since you just moved in, and that's what people do, right? They bring casserole? Although I never understood why it had to be a casserole. I don't even own a casserole dish, and, like, why tuna? Who likes tuna? Are there people who like tuna? Because I don't think tuna really sends a friendly, welcome-to-the-neighborhood kind of message, do you? In fact, I think tuna sends the exact opposite message, like, 'Here's a plate of something disgusting that smells a lot like cat food, this is how much we want you here living next door to us.' Do you like tuna?"

"No," replied Jesus Christ Esposito, looking uncomfortable. "I have some more boxes to unpack." He paused. "Now, sweetheart, if someone comes around asking, you be sure to tell him I told you I moved in, all right?"

He nodded to Alex and went back back into his apartment. Lorelai closed the door, still delighted by the flowers that the recently paroled convict had brought over.

"How can you be sure that he's an ex-con?" Lorelai asked, arranging the daisies in a skull-shaped bong that the previous tenant had left behind. "You shouldn't judge a person by his tattoos. Plus his name is Jesus Christ. "

"Lorelai, it says right here on this website that the Messiah was recently paroled after spending nine years in Attica for," Alex lowered her voice into a whisper for the last part, "raping an fourteen-year-old boy. You have to move!"

"Oh. Wow." Lorelai studied the screen intently, and then said, "That is not a good picture of him."

"Did you catch the part where I mentioned how you have got to move?"

"I think you're overreacting a little, Alex. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a 14-year-old boy. So I think I'm safe. Also in case you haven't noticed, I can't afford to live anywhere else except maybe on the street. I wouldn't do well on the street. It's cold and there's no cable."

"You know who doesn't live next door to an ex-con?" Alex asked.

"President Obama," Lorelai answered.

"Me."

"You're President Obama? Wow, President Obama and Jesus Christ all in one day! I should buy the lottery or something."

"There is room in my apartment," Alex said, and then, because she didn't want to sound too desperate, "But not a lot of room."

"You'd make a great real estate agent."

"Enough room for one other person. And maybe even the other person's extensive and mediocre DVD collection."

"Alex." Lorelai was trying to keep a straight face but Alex could see the laughter in her eyes. Alex felt like an idiot, which she was getting used to. With Lorelai, she almost always felt simultaneously idiotic yet morally superior. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"I wouldn't want you to get BTK-ed by Jesus Christ," Alex said.

"Amen," Lorelai said, and moved in to kiss her.

From:

nike-ravus.livejournal.com

You're cantankerous, inappropriate, self-destructive, and hopefully single

I voted for Lorelai! (Although I find it amusing that all of the campaign posters are like "even though she doesn't carry a gun," and I'm like, "dude, just think about what you said, Lorelai with a gun is the most terrifying prospect ever!") And Fishkeeper-verse! OMFFFG!

From:

This is so sweet.

From:

Awesome. Thanks.

From:

Admittedly, sometimes Lorelai tends to pick a random fight with Claire simply because the makeup sex is so awesome, but this is one of those times where the fight is actually grounded in merit. As in, the only form of communication in the next few days will be through angry Post Its on the refrigerator door and Miss Patty or Babette begging them to patch things up because it's upsetting Kirk too much.

"I understand that you're mad at me," Claire says, interrupting Lorelai's vision of her future self (future by 24 hours) telling Kirk to get a saline drip because those tears are going to keep on flowing.

"I'm not mad at you," Lorelai says. "And by the way, that was not an apology."

"Well, if you're not mad at me, then why should I apologize?"

"FINE," says Lorelai, as close to yelling as she can get without actually yelling, because whoever yells first loses, "I'm mad at you, are you happy? I'm so freaking mad at you that I should make you live in a box."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"That's what Joey did to Chandler until he understood his reasons, and they were threefold!"

They stop at a red light, and Claire turns around to glare at her. "I am not in the mood for this, Lorelai. I'm sorry that I couldn't make it to Friday Night Dinner, but I had the longest, most frustrating day at work and no, I could not leave a few minutes early because I had to tell Steele that he has to make a deal with an algebra teacher who's been pimping out his ninth graders. Yes, he had a hissy fit about it. He's like a toddler with anger management issues."

"All toddlers have anger management issues."

Claire rolls her eyes. "I stand corrected."

They can breathe easier now, Lorelai's not sure if it's because they've actually rolled down the windows.

"I hate your job," Lorelai says at last. She waits for Claire to admit that Claire hates her job too, but it doesn't happen.

They drive in silence, until they reach their exit and Claire says, "I talked to Jack about transferring to Appeals."

"I don't know what that means."

"That's from Bones," Claire points out, and Lorelai has to smile.

"You do pay attention!"

"I'm full of surprises."

"But none of them involves a pony, which suddenly sounds really dirty in my head but I'm still mad at you, so let's not go there. For now."

"Look, I can't promise you I'll make it to every Friday Night Dinner," Claire says. "There will be days when I have to work late, and there will be other days, when I really don't want to deal with your mother."

"Totally with you on the second part."

"But I'll try my hardest to make it there and then pretend to be having a good time. This is the best I can do."

"Well," Lorelai says, "you don't have to pretend to have a good time. I don't."

"Yes, well." Claire was quiet.

"Did I just make you speechless?" Lorelai asks, her astonishment growing.

"I'm tired."

"I just made you, Miss Big Shot McProsecuty Lawyer, speechless."

"McProsecuty Lawyer?"

"I like adjectives. And fast food. And I just realized that McProsecuty sounds like McProse-cutie. Which is hilarious and completely mockable."

"Since I'm now hilarious and completely mockable, does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"There is ample precedent that's how things go around here," says Lorelai, who's starting to feel like a jerk. Mostly justified, but still a jerk.

"You pay attention too," Claire notes, impressed.

"I do, even though I hate your job. But you know what I hate even more than your job? Fighting with you over your job. Because fighting totally cuts into time which we could be using to have sex."

"You're overlooking the point that fighting makes the sex so much better, which I'm assuming is why you constantly pick those stupid fights with me."

"There is nothing stupid about the injustice of you not letting me use both TiVos to tape Wizards of Waverly Place and Dexter."

"I was merely suggesting that you could delete a few episodes after you've seen them."

"But then I wouldn't have the complete season forever enshrined and available for my viewing pleasure whenever I feel like it."

"Why are we still discussing this?!"

Yeah, the makeup sex is going to be awesome.

Edited Date: 2010-03-10 05:51 pm (UTC)

From: (Anonymous)

Found one you can hopefully use:

http://www.someecards.com/flirting-cards/if-i-was-your-coworker-id

From:

alcrackfest.livejournal.com

Oops, that was me. Forgot to log in.

From:

I'm pretty sure since Obama lives in DC, many of his neighbors are ex-cons. Or at least soon-to-be cons.

I miss your Lorelai and Alex <3

From:

Best. Game. Ever.

From:

Wizards AND Dexter? Are you basing the crazy things Lorelai watches off me now? I'm not sure if I should be offended or honored.

I MISS THIS UNIVERSE. BRING IT BACK CYNIC, BRING IT BACK.

From:

From:

This is better than I'd imagined. Thanks so much.

From:

aygul.livejournal.com

I can't wait for you to meet my absurdly creepy friends

I assume that dressing up earns me at least a handjob

I like this meme. I'd post it myself if I was confident I'd be able answer any prompts.

From:

http://www.someecards.com/workplace-cards/lets-boost-office-morale-by-going-out-to-drink-and-complain-about-office-morale

or

http://www.someecards.com/cry-for-help-cards/i-try-to-allocate-a-significant-portion-of-my-paycheck

or

http://www.someecards.com/cry-for-help-cards/rampant-porn-use-has-left-my-computer-and-soul-in-ruins

ALONA ICONS FTW!!!!!!!!!!

Did you see the interview where she tells the Supernatural fans that she can't scream, because she doesn't scream irl? Instead she just says a lot of bad words very loudly.

From:

madcap-shiny.livejournal.com

Edited Date: 2010-03-11 01:04 am (UTC)

From:

propter-hoc.livejournal.com

From: