I'd consider following Christ if he was on Twitter

[wizened_cynic]

Okay, people, BEST FIC MEME EVER.

1. Pick a card on someecards.com. Any card.

2. I will write something for you based on that e-card. I pick the pairing/characters, so you may end up with Alex/Lorelai, or you may end up with Ben babysitting drunk!Stephanie, or you may end up with CHAD. Isn't that delightful? (If anything with Chad can ever be delightful.)

Okay? DO IT DO IT DO IT.

I promise to actually write for the prompts this time.



Give me something to do while I wait for Canadian SVU and Parenthood?

ALSO, PLEASE VOTE FOR LORELAI GILMORE. I love Bones, but THERE IS NO CONTEST. A VOTE FOR LORELAI IS A VOTE FOR SHINY HAIR AND AWESOME BOOBS, WHICH I JUST REALIZED ALSO APPLIES TO BONES, BUT LET'S JUST OVERLOOK THAT FOR A MOMENT AND CONCENTRATE ON VOTING FOR LORELAI. KTHXBAI.

Comments

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I forgot, do you watch Criminal Minds? For some reason this prompt is calling out for a Criminal Minds AU but I don't want to do it if you don't know who the people are.

[alcrackfest.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know a thing about Criminal Minds except for the names of the characters (and your obsession with JJ and Emily's bangs).
But whatever you end up writitng about is fine by me, as long as it's cracktastic!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I hope this is cracktastic enough for you! It's a random AU where Lorelai works at a greeting card company and Alex is her boss. I don't know. I saw the DVD of (500) Day of Summer at HMV the other day.

*

There is a finite number of ways to say "I love you" and Lorelai's company has pretty much milked that cow dry.

"Is there a way we can use that? 'You have milked dry the cow that is my love. Happy Valentines Day?'"

Sookie shakes her head, mostly horrified.

"Cabot says we could do snarky," Lorelai says defensively, but it's lame, and she knows. It's probably also offensive to the lactose intolerant.

The whole milk and cow thing gives Sookie a craving for cheese and Lorelai offers to fetch her some Kraft singles from the fridge in the break room, because Sookie's twenty months pregnant and because Alex's office is on the way to the break room and mostly because Alex is wearing her glasses today as well as an impossibly tight skirt, the combination of which is making Lorelai wet just thinking about it.

Alex is on the phone when Lorelai tips the door open. She frowns but gestures for Lorelai to come in, and Lorelai makes sure to close the door behind her. Close and lock.

"All right," Alex says, once her call is over, "do you have the ideas for Valentine's Day?"

"Yes. They involve doing many things that the bible does not condone and are possibly illegal in several states."

Alex glares, and it's wrong how turned on Lorelai is. "I mean for the project."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I've got a few." Lorelai scavenges her mind for something, anything that can be construed as a decent greeting for a Valentine's Day card. "You said we could do snarky, right?"

Alex looks pained. "There is a certain market for that," she concedes.

"Okay, how about 'If I had balls, I'd shave them for you this Valentine's Day?'"

"I said snarky, not vulgar."

Lorelai wracks her mind some more but is distracted by the shirt that Alex is wearing and the clavicle it ever so slightly reveals.

"Lorelai!"

"I'm thinking! Here: 'If I was your co-worker, I'd sexually harass you.'"

"Lorelai."

"I like to keep it grounded in reality!"

Alex looks at her long-sufferingly and sighs. "Technically, I'm not your co-worker. I'm your immediate supervisor."

"Well, then as my immediate supervisor, you are welcome to sexually harass me at any time."

Lorelai has one hand underneath Alex's bra and is trying to figure out how to work the zipper on her skirt when Alex suddenly pulls back and says, "By the way, it's 'If I were.'"

"What?"

"'If I were your co-worker.' I'd appreciate it if you could sexually harass me without butchering the subjunctive while doing it."

"You're the boss," says Lorelai, and that zipper finally gives in.

[nike-ravus.livejournal.com]

Gah! There's probably something wrong with me, but I find grammar correction to be really hot! (And I am very passionate about preserving the irrealis subjunctive...)

And Alex with her glasses and skirt...

sry, back in the morning, busy now.

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

You absolutely win for including that last bit in there. I mean, it was already pretty fantastic because duh, Lorelai and Alex, but then you threw in grammar talk and it became a whole new level of awesome.

[alcrackfest.livejournal.com]

Thanks! That was pretty enough cracktastic for me. Mission well accomplished!

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

She should be punished first for butchering the subjunctive, but hey, I'm not fussy. Any sexual harassment between these two is a good thing.

[theagonyofblank.livejournal.com]

These two!

:)