like there should be a word after it

[wizened_cynic]

I'm starting to find it glaringly obvious that the relationship between Rory and Lorelai can be pretty durn creepy. There is being best friends with your mom, and then there's talking about your first kiss in detail while your mom is totally excited and enthusiastic and desperate for every juicy detail. And then later on, doesn't Lorelai want Rory to talk to her before she has sex the first time? And even later on (Season 5?), Lorelai asks Rory what birth control she's using?

THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.

Whatever, Amy Sherman-Palladino. You're a creepy person who dresses creepily and you will never be able to write another successful show. I hate you for the last 2.5 seasons of GG. Go die.

Oh, speaking of mothers and daughters, here's a snippet of Quantum A.J.! that I wrote for thelastgoodname for that prompt meme way back when. It took forever, sorry. And it's rather heavily-focused on Alex's mother. Weird.

A.J.'s preschool holds a ceremony to celebrate the end of the school year, a midday affair that Alex will miss for an appearance in front of the grand jury. Alex's mother attends in her place, promising to capture every moment on camera.

"I've hired the person who did the cinematography for Slumdog Millionaire," her mother informs her the night before.

Surprised, Alex says, "I didn't know you've seen Slumdog Millionaire."

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I haven't. Why would I want to subject myself to a movie about the plight of the impoverished?"

"Aren't you a real philanthropist."

Alex can picture her mother frowning into the telephone. "I don't appreciate what you're insinuating, Alexandra. I make sizable donations to various charities throughout the year and the DAR regularly holds functions to raise money for those less fortunate than us."

"I'm sorry, Mother."

"You're still mocking me, aren't you?"

"I'm not. I promise."

"You're a lawyer. You lie through your teeth."

"I do not. Here, I'll put A.J. on the phone. She'll tell you I'm not lying."

"It won't be necessary." Alex wonders if her mother is truly offended, or if she's simply caught onto the fact that Alex tends to shove the phone over to A.J. whenever she doesn't feel like talking. "I'll see her tomorrow. I don't suppose they will be serving drinks at this little get-together?"

"I sincerely doubt it."

Last time, when Alex went to the Mother's Day Brunch (which really should've been called the Friday Before Mother's Day Brunch), they had served a bowl of anemic-looking fruit punch and some wheat-free, egg-free, dairy-free cupcakes that A.J. took a bite of and proclaimed, "Di-custing."

Her mother sighs loudly. "Perhaps I'll bring a flask."

"Mother!"

"I was making a joke, dear. I would never bring a flask. I'd simply find a nice, widowed grandfather of one of Little Alexandra's classmates and ask for a drink from his."

"I'm not even sure I can find the appropriate words to respond to that."

"A-ha! Now we're even. Dinner is at seven; I expect you to be on time. We'll be having dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets."

"Should I dress up for that?"

"I would expect nothing less. See you tomorrow, Alex."

A.J. is waiting for her expectantly when Alex hangs up the phone. She's also covered in Magic Marker. Alex didn't even know she had Magic Markers in her apartment, just like she hadn't known that there were three dollars in change underneath her sofa, or that coins were considered a delicacy by the two-year-old set.

"Look!" A.J. says proudly, raising her scribbled-over arms. "I drawed on me."

"Well, at least you're honest about it."

Resigned, Alex scoops A.J. up and hauls her into the bathroom for clean up, fully realizing that the only reason why people put up with their children's messes is so they can torment them in thirty years.

"You just wait," Alex says, and begins to scrub.

Comments

[baggers.livejournal.com]

dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

There's actually a stock photo of these:

[baggers.livejournal.com]

I WANT TO EAT THEM.

actually, i want a child awesome enough to want to eat them with me.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

i want a child awesome enough not only to want to eat them with me, but to stage epic battles between various species using ketchup for blood and toothpicks to symbolize humankind destroying the natural order of things, and then eat them with me. then wash everything down with a tall glass of apple juice.

i need a quantum toddler.

[onlyjustwhisper.livejournal.com]

Love it!! AJ is just endlessly cute :)

And, wow, the Lorelai & Rory relationship is a little creepy :s

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! She really is! *eats her*

Totally creepy. Lorelai sleeps over on the floor of Rory's dorm on her first night of college. I mean, SERIOUSLY. What NORMAL college student would be okay with that? With her roommate IN THE SAME ROOM?

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

The BFF constantly has discussions with zir mom about sex - various positions, number of partners, types of birth control, masturbation, etc. The worst part is that this has occurred while I'VE been present. And often at the dinner table, with zir dad and little sister present as well. :/

ANYWAY, awwww A.J. is the cutest. And I love Alex's mom. She's good at balancing all that snark with likability. Emily wasn't the best at that.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

That's so creepy. Like, I can't even entertain the thought of that. Is she Indian? I thought you guys were conservative!

I've never talked to my mom about sex, ever. I'm pretty sure my knowledge about various kinks would frighten her. Like, I'm not even sure she ever had sex. She probably just accidentally willed me into existence and then willed my brother to make up for me.

Alex's mom, in this universe at least, is a less evil version of Emily. She's a total doormat in the original A.J. 'verse though, and less snarky in the kidfic 'verse. She even has different names in different universes! The beauty of not having canon to adhere to.

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

Naw, Kim's white. Trust me, I have never discussed anything remotely sexual with my parents. My dad would probably have a conniption if I even mentioned like, kissing.

Once, the president of our Science Club called me because I was Treasurer/Secretary and he wanted to ask me about scheduling. My dad eavesdropped on the line and then confronted me about why a boy called me at home. He also freaked out that my freshman dorms were co-ed. Anyway, yeah.. we're conservative.

[fallon-ash.livejournal.com]

This is awesome. "You're a lawyer. You lie through your teeth." That, for whatever reason, was my favourite line, but it was all awesome!

It is super-creepy. I never discuss anything remotely sexual with any family members, or relatives, for that matter. My cousin's new husband mentioned something very innocent about the wedding night ('We were so tired, we just went to sleep immediately when we got home') to a friend while standing within hearing distance from me, and I was all 'Aaaah!! She's *related* to me!!'.

I heard something on the radio today about the inflation in and growing importance of end-of-school-year-ceremonies were just another way for moderately intelligent people to feel like they've accomplished something important, while true giftedness is often overlooked in society. I wonder how my students would feel about that if I mention it during their ceremony tomorrow.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Yeah, my family doesn't discuss anything sexual, unless we're cracking jokes. Dirty, sexist, and sometimes racist jokes. Well, my dad and my brother and I do anyway. My mom just pretends not to know us.

[leavethesky.livejournal.com]

My Mom's a big lesbo and still. We. Do. Not. Talk. About. IT! It took me two years to come out to my GAY MOM! And her GAY Partner! Who's a lawyer, btw. Another reason to hate lawyers. They make the worst step-parents EVER!

brilliant ficlet as usual. You really need to get knocked up and drop out of law school. Don't they have online law degrees now? Or you could just buy one couldn't you? From the Phoenix School of Law and Auto Professionals.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I do need to drop out of law school. Getting knocked up, though, seems unwise in the current economic climate. As for online law degrees, you'll have to ask Casey. She should be familiar with them.

[annapie.livejournal.com]

I didn't think it was creepy that Lorelai wanted to know on what birth control Rory was (does she really want to be a grandma at 35?) or when Rory was going to have sex for the first time. I thought it had more to do with knowing that Rory is going out there and being safe rather than discussing her favourite positions. That said, the attached at the hip relationship they had is indeed creepy. I can't imagine discussing 99% of the stuff they do with my mother.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I think it's awkward and not remotely possible for a 17 year old to tell her mom in advance when she's about to have sex. Like what, was she supposed to take off her pants and call Lorelai at the same time? Or the night before, initiate a nice chat, "Hey, mom, I'm gonna let Jess/Dean/Logan fuck me now"? It's just one of those, uh, interesting choices that ASP made for them.

Whatever. I stopped caring about two words into the second sentence of this reply. Where's my Shut Up, Rory icon?

[theagonyofblank.livejournal.com]

aw, hahaha! cute. that's so true: the only reason i would ever put up with all that is so i can tease my future kids! *g*

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

thank you! oh, totally. kids are only good for driving you around when you're old and senile, and for you to make fun of

[nike-ravus.livejournal.com]

I love your Alex's mom! She's like Emily, except she wins! (and seduces widowed grandpas for their alcohol)
:)

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I have fun with Alex's mom ... or moms, since she's different in each of my universes. Alex has SEVERAL mommies, yes.