i don't even have words for this level of stupidity

[wizened_cynic]

mayireadtoday suggested that I do a live commentary with drummer_jew2002 for the premiere of Made in Jersey, which is a truly fucking shitawful CBS show in which Stephanie March plays a snarky blonde lawyer. Thank fucking god she dropped out of the show, because even my intense and undying adoration of her cannot make me watch another episode of this dreck.



MADE IN JERSEY LIVE COMMENTARY STARTS NOW.
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drummer_jew2002 Cheesy "indie" pop song FTW.
44 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh god
44 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic what the fuck is that accent
44 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I was just going to ask the same thing!
44 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic fuck i want that bathroom
43 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I know people from New Jersey and you, ma'am, are not from New Jersey.
43 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i am so appalled by the stupidity of this character already
43 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 How did the soap just do that?
43 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh like this loser would even be allowed to go to this meeting
42 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 You can't see it, but I have got some serious side-eye going on.
42 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic are we supposed to believe the whole firm does criminal defense?
42 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh like hse's even allowed to TALK
42 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Oh god. She's one of THOSE spunky young lawyers.
42 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
41 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 What's on SM's face?
41 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic THEY ALL HAVE THIS STUPID ACCENT
41 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Of COURSE her sister is a manicurist and it's pertinent to the case.
40 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 It's like Jersey Shore: Lawyer Edition.
40 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SNARK ON THIS SHOW
40 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic IT SNARKS ITSELF
40 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic hey same fake law books!
40 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Can G-d make a show so snarky that not even He can snark on it?
40 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic who writes this dialogue?
39 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SM looks plastic
38 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I think the better question here is, how fucking easy should it be for me to get a job writing for television?
38 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 She's dressed like a nun.
38 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic why does the murder suspect look like she's 12?
38 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic and why is she not in jail pending murder charges?
38 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Apahtment
38 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic WHO MEETS CLIENTS ON THE STREET AND CHAT?
37 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic this show is so fucking stupid
37 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Clearly, a 12 year old college student isn't a flight risk.
37 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 "Is there someplace we can talk?" YOU MEAN LIKE IN YOUR OFFICE?
37 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic so college students now are allowed to invite their entire familities to live with them in the dorms?
37 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic I don't get this
37 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic it's like a horrifying new universe
37 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Can you imagine all the awkward sex in that dorm?
36 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh god she is the worst lawyer
36 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic with the worst awyer
36 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic loier
36 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Lah-yah
36 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic omg
35 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic the credits
35 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic it's so 1990s
35 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 SIDE EYING YOU SO HARD CREDITS
35 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Or, well, title card.
35 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic STEPHANIE MARCH
35 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic hi
35 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 AFGHANISTAN SHOUT OUT
35 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic luminol is the stuff that glows in the dark, right?
35 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Did you know that everyone on every show ever has had a loved one killed in Afghanistan?
34 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 It is, yes.
34 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic it's so obvious CBS picked up this show for people in nursing homes with alzhiemers who DON'T REMEMBER EEVERYTHING THEY LEARNED WATCHING CSI
34 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 It's for the old people who like the noise and company.
34 minutes ago · Like

Craig Hatboy http://bulk2.destructoid.com/ul/121181-wtf_picard-468x.jpg
34 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic sure, let's go around announcing that you're secretly investigating a murder FOR YOUR CLIENT
33 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I realize Craig's graphic is his expression of confusion at this being on my wall and not understanding what the hell is going on, but it's actually rather accurate for my reactions right now.
32 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic I concur
32 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic I am so sad that we can't even snark on this show
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic we are so utterly bewildered by the fact tha tit exists
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic and has so many characters we don't care about
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic what's with this irritatingly close-knit and loud accented blue collar working class family?
31 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 This show gives me great hope for my future in the industry.
31 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Rizzoli and Isles does it better.
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic now we just need to build a new timeline and find a new murder suspect
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic um, dude, you have reasonable doubt
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic go with that
31 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic or i don't know
30 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i'm not even paying attention
30 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic the cleavage in this show is so fucking disappointing
30 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i didn't think i would have to say this but i need to watch SVU after so Paget's boobs can give me some comfort and reassurance
30 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 All I know is there is an ethnic male in a fedora.
30 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic they've filled the black guy quota !
30 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic compaaaaired
29 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I'm not sure how this is even a pilot. It's like a high school drama production.
29 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SMMMMMM
29 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 They have not told me a single thing about this chick. I don't even know her name!
29 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 SM is less nun-like here.
29 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic tight jeans
29 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SM said tight jeans
29 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 SM is snarky!
28 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic hahahaha "they must totally relate to you"
28 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic YES WE KNOW YOU'RE POOR, JERSEY CHICK WITH NO NAME
28 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 She really is the the audience surrogate.
28 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic OH IT'S THAT GUY FROM SVU!!!!
28 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 So I'm not crazy? They really haven't given us their MAIN CHARACTER'S name yet?
28 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic sm looks good
27 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I'm not a fan of the heavy eye makeup.
27 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Fluent townie. Best line is best.
27 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic distracts from the manface
27 minutes ago · Like

Craig Hatboy http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Ql2X4-lHdlI/TUA_VgDsj1I/AAAAAAAABow/1VIdoH4CPnA/s1600/Picard+Headdesk.jpg
26 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic DO YOU THINK THAT SHE KILLED HIM?
26 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic are you a jealous woman?
26 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 You keep trying to act confused and disappointed here, Craig, but you have no idea how accurate you are to this experience.
26 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic omg this chick has allegedly gone to law school?
26 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i'm fucking BAFFLED
26 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic at this show and the fact that it exists
25 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic "what did the dean's wife say? did she do it?"
25 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic if it were svu she really might've confessed
25 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Of course she'd admit to it. I always admit to the laws I break.
25 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS CHICK'S HAIR
25 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 She's from Jersey.
25 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic fianlly
24 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic we know her name
24 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic 20 mins in
24 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 They just showed the subway so we know for sure that we're in NYC.
24 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic well she's from jersey, this has to be in NYC
23 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic she needs to PROVE HERSELF
23 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic that she ain't white trash
23 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I'm disappointed in the utter lack of digitally enhanced coffee.
23 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic well this is pretty low budget
23 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 True. You can tell by the way everyone has the same office but they're pretending they don't.
22 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 SWEETBREADS?
22 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic isn't that like
22 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic cow organs?
22 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Awkward clue is awkward.
22 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic crazy white people food
22 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 There's the Snooki hair bump again.
22 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic this is so much worse than conviction
21 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 My lord yes.
21 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TATTOOS WHORE
21 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY
21 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic omg
20 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SM is the only sane one in this
20 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 SM is snarkier than we are.
20 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Can the lead get hit by a bus? So SM can take over?
20 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic her hair is weird though
20 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh she dropped out of the show
20 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic probably because it sucks this much
20 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Totally understandable.
20 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 They probably only gave her her scenes, so she thought it might actually be good.
19 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic also she was probably wasted when she signed on
19 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Or needed to pay rent.
19 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic you came in looking like you and you still got the job
19 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 "You are a fancy lady lawyer."
18 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic it only means that the recruiting partner probably mistook her for a hooker
18 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 There is so much inherently wrong with that phrace.
18 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 WTF? Where did they get their tattoo info?
18 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic babysitting money
18 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 You don't pay before you get your work done.
18 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic do people these days still babysit?
18 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Not to my knowledge. Don't they have professionals.
17 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic mosquito tones
17 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic what the fuck
17 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic this is retarded
17 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i think they are confusing this with dog whistle
16 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 The super lawyer is buying her underage niece a beer.
16 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic people under age of 25 can't hear it
16 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic what the fuck
16 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I actually did read about this certain pitch that only young people can here. I think the cutoff age was mid-to-late twenties. So at least they got that right.
16 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic really?
16 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic that';s so creepy
16 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i'm guessing we can't hear it anymore
15 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic thank god
15 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh i watched criminal minds and it made me sad
15 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/23/high-pitch-only-teens-can_n_98304.html

Kids Be Gone: High Pitch Only Teens Can Hear Used As Deterrent (AUDIO)
www.huffingtonpost.com
As 15-year-old Eddie Holder sprinted from his apartment for school one recent mo...
See More
15 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i totally watched because there was 3 seconds with a baby in it
15 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 That's close enough.
15 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic ew
15 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic what the fuck is this chick wearing
15 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic shit yellow jacket over a pink shirt
15 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 The wardrobe department on this show is SO BAD.
14 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SM
13 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 The only voice of reason.
13 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic she's so tall
13 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Tall and reasonable.
13 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic I CALL BULLSHIT
13 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic ON A 1ST YEAR BEING ABLE TO TALK LIKE THAT TO THE SENIORIEST SENIOR PARTNER
13 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Oh I called bullshit on this show within the first five seconds.
12 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic hahahaha SM is making the same wtf face we are
12 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I need a gif of that face for tumblr.
12 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh god
11 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I love how SM's character is like "COME ON MOTHER FUCKERS YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE"
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic now they;re talking abotu salons
11 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Resort hair? #FirstWorldProblems
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh god now hse's going to cry
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic because she;s poor
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic and doens't have resort hair
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic dude this is college
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic who gives a fuck
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic SM is not having any of this shit
11 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic um, the partner would not be in the office when the slaves are prepping for court
10 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Oh, the boss empathizes with her because he was poor too.
10 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Unless it's to offer that little tidbit about how OMG I used to be poor too but now I'm RICH and a parter and probably a republican.
10 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic "don't worry, you lower expectations just by walking in a room"
9 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic she got an A in her AP biology course last year!
9 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I'm starting to feel like this show was written as a joke and SM's dialogue is supposed to indicate that. But somehow, all the execs were fooled.
8 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh i'm fairly certain CBS never watched this show
8 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic before they picked it up
8 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 They couldn't have. There's no way. They probably just needed one more show to fit their schedule and drew out of a hat filled with previously rejected pilots.
7 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic YOU CANNOT JUST ADDUCE EVIDENCE DURING TRIAL AND ASK FOR IT TO BE ADMITTED
7 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic THIS IS A WASTE OF THE COURT'S TIME
6 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic it's a waste of our time too
6 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Indeed.
6 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I feel like I should be getting paid for this.
6 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic man these shows make me worry so much about america;s justice system
6 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Well, that is a valid worry.
6 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i kind of love the judge
6 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i do not follow any of the logic at all
5 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 But do do a victory dance in the middle of the street at rush hour.
5 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic and i realize that's because there is none
5 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Not an ounce of it to be had.
5 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 WTF is that woman wearing?
4 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 A rainbow flower poncho?
4 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic LSD on a poncho
4 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 I'm not pleased that they're using good songs.
4 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 This show just tainted Florence and the Machine.
3 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic tattoos
3 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh all she had to say was
3 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic "i'm a lawyer"
3 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Meaningful tacky keychain has meaning.
3 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic and people bow down to her
3 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 Tattoos don't even hurt that bad.
3 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic i don't know man, i waxed my pits today and it really hurt
2 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic oh thank god it was over
2 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic this is the boringest commentary ever
2 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic sorry jew
2 minutes ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 That's because it's literally the worst show ever.
2 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic it makes me want to do WORK
2 minutes ago · Like

wizened_cynic just to show them how real law firms get shit done
about a minute ago · Like

drummer_jew2002 It makes me wish CBS still had GHOST WHISPERER on the air so this show wouldn't have been picked up.
about a minute ago · Unlike · 1

drummer_jew2002 That's how awful it is.
about a minute ago · Like



I'm sorry if any of you guys expected hilarious and witty commentary, but we just could not do it. We were too bewildered by the stupidity of it all.

Now I'm going to look at boobs on Tumblr to make myself feel better.

ETA: Okay, to make up for the utter horror that was Made in Jersey, I give you my favoritest cap from the SVU premiere from the scene I call "epic battle of the cleavages." (I couldn't bother with Mariska, sorry.)

Comments

[drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com]

I feel like shooting myself in the brain.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised you have a brain left after enduring that travesty.

[drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I only survived because I actually took ADHD medication yesterday. Which, ironically, made me focus less on how it slowly tried to eat away at my braincells like the parasitic show-worm it is.

I totally convinced Hatboy to watch it though. Because I like to inflict pain on my friends.

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I can only give 3/10 for Paget's Cleavage. Must try harder. Not low cut enough.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Have some gifs?

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

I don't know why US procedural shows have so many shots of women leaning over desks with inappropriate clothing on, my experience of the police force has never been anything like this. But god bless 'em for it.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I can't speak for the police, but I can say with certainty that some associates in my office wear NOTHING but inappropriate clothing. (Hence earning them nicknames like Office Slut and Office Slut 2.0.)

[mayireadtoday.livejournal.com]

Both of your live commenting was awesome -- hilarious and witty -- so you don't have to apologize. I feel no shame asking you guys to do this. NO SHAME! (Especially since I typed out the F+ review so YOU WERE WARNED.)

Paget looks so pretty! And her hair looks so soft that I want to pet it. But that's not the best shot of Paget's boobs I've ever seen. However, it does look like she's involved in an "epic battle of the cleavages." Who is she pointing her boobs at?

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Oh, I knew what we were going into, we were just disappointed that the show was SO retarded we were left bewildered and unable to snark as much as we wanted to.

Her hair is amaaaaaaaaaazing. I want to pet it too. That's not creepy, is it? Paget was pointing her boobs at Mariska's boobs. Epic boob smackdown.

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

Welcome to Thunderboobs. Four boobs enter, only two boobs leave.

[mayireadtoday.livejournal.com]

But you were able to use your fine legal education and recent work experience to point how absolutely retarded they were.

It would only be creepy if you encountered Paget on the street one day and petted her hair. But it's not creepy if you just think about it.

Who won the epic boob smackdown?

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Mariska. Only because her boobs have gotten so disproportionately gigantic that all other boobs in the world cowered in fear.

[kennedyismyhero.livejournal.com]

Dude. While you may not think that was hilarious, I thought it was a hard-hitting, thought-provoking exposè on "THANK GOD I DIDN'T WATCH THAT HORSESHIT". Thank you, and Jew, for suffering through performing this heroic public service. ;)

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Someone has to suffer for the greater good! I mean, I knew going in that it was going to be bad, but I didn't think anything could be THAT BAD. Apparently, nothing is impossible if you try hard enough to suck at it.

[silverturtle87.livejournal.com]

So, what I'm gathering from this is that SM was the only redeeming feature and the only part worth watching? I would have assumed that going in I think.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Not even SM's parts are worth watching, they were so few and far between and even then she wasn't, like, super pretty in it. The makeup was badly done.

I hate this show so much I can't even bring myself to rewatch it to make screencaps of SM, THAT'S HOW BAD IT IS.