wizened_cynic | if we wanted, we could fall (part 5)

As if it wasn't bad enough that Alex had been co-erced into buying a raffle ticket for the St. Thomas More Catholic School's annual spring bazaar, it now seemed as though she might actually have to attend it.

"Unless you have plans," Margaret said as Alex dropped her off at the school, knowing full well that Alex didn't have any. "Bruce and Sienna would love to meet you."

Bruce was the husband, who'd taken the mini-van that morning, thus requiring Alex to give Margaret a ride, and Sienna was the eight-year-old whose photos were all over Margaret's desk and almost threatened to spill over onto Alex's. Alex didn't know why either of them would want to meet her, and certainly she wasn't eagerly anticipating to reciprocate, but Margaret was easy-going and knew where everything was and possessed the extraordinary talent of being able to get their boss to calm the fuck down whenever he got agitated, which was often, so Alex wasn't about to make an enemy of her.

Plus, there was a chance Alex could win a spa holiday for two at a resort in Elkhart Lake.

It was harder to find a spot in the church parking lot than Manhattan, but eventually they managed to poach one from an 80-year-old grandmother who gave them the finger and Margaret led Alex through the mess of brightly colored stalls to a card table, behind which a little blonde girl sat solemnly, face in her hands.

"Mommy!" Sienna brightened as she saw her mother. "You came!"

"Of course I did! And I brought my friend Emily. Say hi, sweetie."

"Hi, Emily," the girl said, beaming.

Alex felt herself smiling back. She's just a kid, she thought. Not a witness, not a victim. Just her co-worker's kid. "Hi, Sienna."

"Would you like to buy a friendship bracelet?" Sienna asked, and that was when Alex noticed the sign taped to the table which said, in various colors of glitter, FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS $5 EACH. "Business's been slow," she added long-sufferingly.

"I would love to buy one," Alex said, even though the child was robbing her blind and the only real friend Alex had these days didn't even have a wrist.

Sienna grinned so hard her face might split in two. "Which one do you want?"

"Why don't you pick one for me?"

Sienna scanned her merchandise thoughtfully and set her finger on a bright pink one. "Pink's my favorite."

"My friend likes pink too," Alex said.

"You'll give it to her?"

"Definitely. She'll love it." And Lorelai really would.

"Don't you want another one for yourself?"

"She's a sneaky one," Margaret said apologetically ten dollars and fifteen minutes later.

"Best saleswoman I've ever come across," Alex said.

Margaret went to help with the concession stand, leaving Alex to meander through the crowds. She followed the scent of coffee and found herself in front of a sign that said BAKE SALE. There was a generous spread of baked goods laid out on the tables: muffins and croissants, snickerdoodles and brownies, cupcakes with marshmallow Peeps on top, all being sold for outrageous prices.

So, that was how the Catholic church had so much money.

Alex was about to fork over a small fortune for a coffee and a banana muffin (and a cupcake for Lorelai) when she noticed the row of cookies in the very back of the table, half-hidden, like the baker was ashamed. "Are those gingerbread men?"

One of the women --- Hello, her name was Suzanne --- glanced over and said, "Huh. I guess they are. Even though it's . . . Easter."

"My son insisted that I make them," explained the other volunteer. "He's three, so he doesn't care what time of year it is. Gingerbread men are a year-round thing for him."

"I'll take one," Alex said, without thinking.

It didn't occur to her until afterwards that this one might come to life as well, and the strangest thing was, she didn't think she would mind. Lorelai could use a friend, someone to keep her company when Alex was in the office.

She was continually surprising herself by how utterly insane she'd become. She was going to be outnumbered.

"You're a lost cause, Cabot," she said to her reflection in the rearview mirror, and started the engine. The raffle draw wouldn't be until the afternoon --- there was no way she was spending another hour here, let alone five ---- and she couldn't take Lorelai to a spa holiday anyway.

*

"I've got a surprise for you," Alex said when she came back from wherever she'd been instead of taking Lorelai to brunch, which was what Lorelai had hoped Alex would do.

"Is it a pony?" Lorelai asked, because if it was, she would be willing to forgive Alex for brunch.

"What would you do with a pony?" Alex asked. "It'd probably eat you. No, here, look. I got you a friend."

Alex took something out of a paper bag and propped it up against the desk calendar next to where Lorelai was standing. It was a fellow gingerbread cookie, slightly shorter than Lorelai. A guy, probably. Lorelai couldn't tell. It had no hair and its smile was crooked and he wasn't wearing any clothes, just three generic M & M buttons down his middle.

He was kind of freaking her out, actually.

"Who is this?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well, I don't know his name or anything," Alex said. "I just thought it might nice for you to have a friend."

"Is this some sort of blind date? Because he's not my type," said Lorelai.

"How do you even know? You haven't even talked to him."

Lorelai's heart skipped a beat. This cookie, this monstrous cookie --- he could talk? He was magical too, just like her?

"Did you talk to him?" she asked Alex.

"No," Alex said. "He's a cookie. Don't you guys need some time to come to life or something? I'm not an expert."

"We'll have to see."

The phone rang and Alex went to get it, leaving Lorelai with her new man-friend. His eyes were two dabs of frosting, one bigger than the other. Whoever decorated him didn't love him enough to do a good job of it, and even though Lorelai knew all about not judging people by their looks, beauty was on the inside, that sort of thing, she did not have a good feeling about this cookie.

"Hello," she said quietly.

No answer.

"My name is Lorelai."

Still nothing.

"You don't have the magic, do you?"

Lorelai could swear he actually leered at her when she said that, but it might've been her eyes playing tricks on her. She hadn't had any sugar to eat that day, and it was stressful waking up to find another cookie in her home, her kitchen, sharing her human.

See, that was what Lorelai didn't understand. Why did Alex think Lorelai needed a friend? Lorelai already had Alex, and that was enough. Maybe, Lorelai thought, maybe it was Alex who wanted another friend, another cookie-friend at least --- she knew Alex had other human friends, which was a good thing, because it made her less sad --- and the thought of that filled Lorelai with a new kind of emotion that she couldn't explain, because she'd never felt it before.

"She's my human," Lorelai informed Creepy Eyes. "I was here first. Get your own human."

Creepy Eyes didn't say anything, didn't even twitch.

"Anything?"

Lorelai almost jumped at the sound of Alex's voice. She turned around and Alex was there, leaning over to give Creepy Eyes a closer look. Lorelai didn't like that, and not only because Creepy Eyes was possibly the serial killer of cookies.

"He's a man of few words," Lorelai said.

Alex shrugged. "We'll give him some time then."

Lorelai spent the rest of the day worrying about Creepy Eyes. He didn't show any signs of coming to life, but she couldn't stop thinking, What if he creeps up on us when we're not paying attention?, and What if he really is a serial killer? and What if he's not a serial killer but is a complete douchebag who eats everything he sees and wants to watch football all day or What if he's a perfect gentleman and Alex likes him better?

Worst case scenario, Lorelai realized, was if Alex decided she only needed one cookie after all and chose this guy instead of Lorelai.

That would be even worse than him turning out to be a serial killer.

"Don't come alive," she whispered to him that evening, before bed. It wasn't that she didn't like him, she was just scared of him.

The next morning, much to Lorelai's relief, Creepy Eyes was still propped up against calendar, staring creepily into the distance.

"Guess he didn't have the magic," Lorelai explained to Alex, who didn't look terribly disappointed, also much to Lorelai's relief. "All cookies are equal but some cookies are more equal than others."

"Oh well," said Alex. She sighed. "I'm sorry, though. I was really hoping you could have a friend so you wouldn't be have to be alone all day."

"I am never truly alone when there is Showtime," Lorelai said.

"I do have something else for you though," Alex said.

"Another cupcake?" Lorelai asked hopefully.

"Just wait." Alex rifled through her purse and took out something pink. A soft, pink braid, which Alex tied around Lorelai's waist. "It really should go around your wrist, but you don't have one, so now it's a belt, I guess. A friend belt sounds pretty weird though, but there it is."

Part 6