共行成長 數不清的故事
Feb. 14th, 2007 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wizened_cynicValentine's Day is lame, but happy V-Day for those who buy into the corporate commercial trap of uglyass teddy bears and overpriced chocolate.
On a happier note,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
theagonyofblank made an awesome, awesome Chinese New Year gift for me! Take a look here for yourself!
I promised her some CNY kidfic, but the lesbian Judy Blume muse struck me a few days early, so instead here is a Valentine's Day kidfic. That takes place in August! Because I'm awesome. There will still be CNY fic though, but maybe not kidfic. I don't know. We'll see. Happy early Chinese New Year!
Again, takes place the summer Alex and Lorelai are 11. Or 12. Somewhere around there. Title from Lewis Carroll. I was desperate.
All Mimsy Were the Borogoves
Lorelai's mother will tell you that she loses everything, from her library books to her school socks to the (ugly) necklace her grandmother gave her for her birthday, but this is a lie.
Lorelai does not lose everything.
For example, she has not (yet) lost:
- her Donny and Marie Osmond dolls
- her mood ring
- any of the jewelry she got out of boxes of Cracker Jack and cereal (it drives her mother crazy to see her wearing a plastic ring to dinner with Important People Who are Boring)
- her mind
- an argument with Alex Cabot
The last one should count for ten, because Alex is going to be a lawyer, and she already thinks she is a lawyer, and lawyers are always supposed to win their arguments. Always.
So far, Lorelai has (only) lost:
- the key to her diary (which she never wrote in anyway, so who cares)
- her protractor (which her teacher actually confiscated after Lorelai used it as a ninja weapon)
- many, many games of staring contests with her friend Christopher
- several hundred of the colored pegs for her Lite-Brite
- track of time
That last one should not count at all because everybody loses track of time, especially in the summer.
What summer needs, Loreai thinks, is more holidays. There is the Fourth of July, and there is Labor Day, but everything in between is just one big mishmash. It's hard to tell what time it is when you don't have recess and lunch to break up your day, when you're too busy swimming or riding horses or sneaking a drive on a golf cart when your dad is at hole seventeen.
Lorelai's favorite holiday is Christmas. No, Halloween. No, Thanksgiving, because of the Macy's parade and the turkey and pumpkin pie. She only eats pumpkin when it is in pie. She'd eat anything as long as it's in pie, except for maybe kidney pie, but she's not Scottish, so she's safe.
It's hard to choose. Christmas has the most presents, but Halloween has the costumes, and Easter has Cadbury creme eggs, and Valentine's day has cinnamon hearts that burn the roof of her mouth and the tip of her tongue, and also those candy hearts that taste like chalk.
Alex says, Valentine's Day is not a real holiday.
Lorelai says, OBJECTION.
Alex says, OVERRULED.
Lorelai says, Why isn't it a holiday? You get special food for Valentine's Day. You get cards for Valentine's Day. You get a specific color theme to go with Valentine's Day. How is it not a holiday?
Alex says, The bank doesn't close on Valentine's Day.
Lorelai says, The bank doesn't close on Halloween either. Does that mean ---
Oh! Oh! Oh! She clutches her heart with her hand and topples over on the grass for dramatic effect. Are you trying to kill me, Alex? How can you say Halloween is not a holiday? It's like telling me my dog died. I'm in shock. And suffering. I'm in shock and suffering.
You don't have a dog.
I could have a dog.
But you don't. And Halloween is not a holiday and neither is Valentine's Day. So, objection overruled.
Lorelai sticks up her hand. I want to appeal!
You can't! Alex scowls.
Why not?
It's my house.
Your mother said you're supposed to be nice to me.
She did not.
She did too. I heard her.
Me having to be nice to you doesn't change the fact that Valentine's Day is not a real holiday.
What have you got against Valentine's Day? Lorelai asks.
Lorelai loves Valentine's Day. All right, handing out valentines to your classmates is kind of stupid, especially since they're all store-bought and say dorky stuff like "Bee mine!" But everything's cold and wet and gray in February, and Lorelai gets to dress up in red and pink for Valentine's Day, and pass around lots and lots of Hershey's kisses. What's there not to like?
It's dumb, Alex says. It's pointless. We waste at least twenty minutes handing out treats when we could be learning something important.
Lorelai scrutinizes Alex for a long time. Alex looks like your average sixth-grader, except she reads more, but sometimes Lorelai wonders if maybe she is an alien from outer space, pretending to be human. Or maybe she is a robot.
Because no normal human person would rather learn stuff than eat chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting and red sprinkles on top.
Then Lorelai gets it. She understands why Alex hates Valentine's Day. It's not because she's a robot or a Martian, it's because ---
No one gives you valentines, do they? Lorelai asks. I bet they're all scared of you. I bet no one gives you candy or wax lips or cinnamon hearts or anything, because you're always so snotty to them.
Alex's nostrils flare when she gets mad. Lorelai wonders if she should tell Alex that, or if Alex will kill her and then use her as fertilizer to make her lawn pretty.
That is not true, Alex says. Trust me, I am not lacking in candy or valentines. I don't even like candy. Or valentines.
Poor Alex, Lorelai teases. Nobody likes her.
I'm not talking to you anymore, Alex says darkly. Nanny comes out and Alex points her finger at Lorelai, and says, Bailiff, remand! She is in contempt!
So they go inside to eat the fresh peach ice cream that Nanny made.
Lorelai doesn't stay for dinner, because Mr. Cabot just finished a long trial and they are going to Le Papillion to celebrate, and Lorelai is not allowed in that restaurant anymore after she put her Creepy Crawlers in her spaghetti last year and told the waiter that there were bugs in the food.
Everything is so boring at home, so she calls Alex again after dinner, but Nanny says Alex is not there. Lorelai can hear piano in the background, so she knows Alex is lying, and she wants to be mad at Alex for lying but instead she feels a lump at the bottom of her stomach. She wonders if Alex really is mad at her for what she said, about nobody liking Alex, which is not true.
Lorelai likes Alex.
And Lorelai should count for ten people, or maybe even a hundred, because her teachers always say she has more energy than everybody else in her class put together. It even says so on her report cards.
It takes a while, but after turning everything upside down in her room, and making her mother say in a voice that only dogs can hear, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, what on Earth are you doing?, Lorelai finds the sandwich bag of cinnamon hearts from last Valentine's Day.
She puts one in her mouth. It's so hot it makes her nose run, so they're still good.
The next day, she tells Driver to take her back to Alex's. She runs up the driveway just as Mr. Cabot is walking out the door.
Why hello, Miss Gilmore. Mr. Cabot says, smiling, and Lorelai smiles back, wide, because Mr. Cabot is always so nice, and not fake-nice, like most of her parents' friends are. Mr. Cabot always smiles like he means it, which is strange because he is a lawyer, and lawyers are not trustworthy. But Lorelai can trust Mr. Cabot, and she can trust Alex too, even though Alex is a big fat liar and pretends not to be at home.
Lorelai yells up at the row of windows on the third floor. She's not sure which one is Alex's, so she yells at all of them. Your dad JUST told me that you're home. So let me in.
There is a pause, and then she can hear Alex talking loudly to Nanny. Nanny, I think we need to get a guard dog. Maybe two. Vicious ones.
I like dogs, so there! Lorelai shouts.
She swears she hears Nanny laughing.
A minute later, the door opens, and Alex is there, scowling. What do you want? she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.
Here. Lorelai shoves the bag of cinnamon hearts into her hands. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's August. Alex shoves the bag back towards Lorelai.
Happy Valentine's Day anyway. Lorelai forces the bag into Alex's hand, and this time she clasps her hand over Alex's so tight that Alex has no choice but to take it.
Never said I didn't give you anything, Lorelai adds, as Alex begrudgingly opens the door some more.
I hate cinnamon hearts, Alex grumbles. They're gross.
Then you can give them to me! Lorelai tells her cheerfully. She can smell bacon frying inside, and even though she's had breakfast already, there is always room for more bacon. Maybe Nanny will make her an omelet.
Lorelai, how wonderful to see you! Mrs. Cabot sets down her cup of tea. Have you eaten?
No, Lorelai says.
She's lying, Alex says.
Well, if you're still hungry, we have lots of leftovers. Alexandra never eats anything. She just picks at her food. Not when we have company, of course. She saves her attitude for her father and me. It's absolutely tiresome.
Mother, and Lorelai swears she can hear Alex roll her eyes clean across the country.
HA! Lorelai says, resisting the urge to jump up and down and do a cartwheel. HA!.
Lorelai's mother will tell you that she loses everything, from her homework to her ponytail holders to the (hideous) sweater her grandmother gave her for Christmas, but this is a lie.
Because Lorelai did not lose (okay, she misplaced it. Briefly) the cinnamon hearts that she gave to Alex, which have consequently made Alex stop hating Valentine's Day, which is good, because Lorelai is pretty sure Valentine's Day is the best holiday, maybe even better than Christmas and Halloween.
Especially when it's in August.
Now all Lorelai needs to do is to convince the banks to take the day off.
She's working on it.
I'm hungry. Going to bed.
On a happier note,
theagonyofblank made an awesome, awesome Chinese New Year gift for me! Take a look here for yourself!I promised her some CNY kidfic, but the lesbian Judy Blume muse struck me a few days early, so instead here is a Valentine's Day kidfic. That takes place in August! Because I'm awesome. There will still be CNY fic though, but maybe not kidfic. I don't know. We'll see. Happy early Chinese New Year!
Again, takes place the summer Alex and Lorelai are 11. Or 12. Somewhere around there. Title from Lewis Carroll. I was desperate.
Lorelai's mother will tell you that she loses everything, from her library books to her school socks to the (ugly) necklace her grandmother gave her for her birthday, but this is a lie.
Lorelai does not lose everything.
For example, she has not (yet) lost:
- her Donny and Marie Osmond dolls
- her mood ring
- any of the jewelry she got out of boxes of Cracker Jack and cereal (it drives her mother crazy to see her wearing a plastic ring to dinner with Important People Who are Boring)
- her mind
- an argument with Alex Cabot
The last one should count for ten, because Alex is going to be a lawyer, and she already thinks she is a lawyer, and lawyers are always supposed to win their arguments. Always.
So far, Lorelai has (only) lost:
- the key to her diary (which she never wrote in anyway, so who cares)
- her protractor (which her teacher actually confiscated after Lorelai used it as a ninja weapon)
- many, many games of staring contests with her friend Christopher
- several hundred of the colored pegs for her Lite-Brite
- track of time
That last one should not count at all because everybody loses track of time, especially in the summer.
What summer needs, Loreai thinks, is more holidays. There is the Fourth of July, and there is Labor Day, but everything in between is just one big mishmash. It's hard to tell what time it is when you don't have recess and lunch to break up your day, when you're too busy swimming or riding horses or sneaking a drive on a golf cart when your dad is at hole seventeen.
Lorelai's favorite holiday is Christmas. No, Halloween. No, Thanksgiving, because of the Macy's parade and the turkey and pumpkin pie. She only eats pumpkin when it is in pie. She'd eat anything as long as it's in pie, except for maybe kidney pie, but she's not Scottish, so she's safe.
It's hard to choose. Christmas has the most presents, but Halloween has the costumes, and Easter has Cadbury creme eggs, and Valentine's day has cinnamon hearts that burn the roof of her mouth and the tip of her tongue, and also those candy hearts that taste like chalk.
Alex says, Valentine's Day is not a real holiday.
Lorelai says, OBJECTION.
Alex says, OVERRULED.
Lorelai says, Why isn't it a holiday? You get special food for Valentine's Day. You get cards for Valentine's Day. You get a specific color theme to go with Valentine's Day. How is it not a holiday?
Alex says, The bank doesn't close on Valentine's Day.
Lorelai says, The bank doesn't close on Halloween either. Does that mean ---
Oh! Oh! Oh! She clutches her heart with her hand and topples over on the grass for dramatic effect. Are you trying to kill me, Alex? How can you say Halloween is not a holiday? It's like telling me my dog died. I'm in shock. And suffering. I'm in shock and suffering.
You don't have a dog.
I could have a dog.
But you don't. And Halloween is not a holiday and neither is Valentine's Day. So, objection overruled.
Lorelai sticks up her hand. I want to appeal!
You can't! Alex scowls.
Why not?
It's my house.
Your mother said you're supposed to be nice to me.
She did not.
She did too. I heard her.
Me having to be nice to you doesn't change the fact that Valentine's Day is not a real holiday.
What have you got against Valentine's Day? Lorelai asks.
Lorelai loves Valentine's Day. All right, handing out valentines to your classmates is kind of stupid, especially since they're all store-bought and say dorky stuff like "Bee mine!" But everything's cold and wet and gray in February, and Lorelai gets to dress up in red and pink for Valentine's Day, and pass around lots and lots of Hershey's kisses. What's there not to like?
It's dumb, Alex says. It's pointless. We waste at least twenty minutes handing out treats when we could be learning something important.
Lorelai scrutinizes Alex for a long time. Alex looks like your average sixth-grader, except she reads more, but sometimes Lorelai wonders if maybe she is an alien from outer space, pretending to be human. Or maybe she is a robot.
Because no normal human person would rather learn stuff than eat chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting and red sprinkles on top.
Then Lorelai gets it. She understands why Alex hates Valentine's Day. It's not because she's a robot or a Martian, it's because ---
No one gives you valentines, do they? Lorelai asks. I bet they're all scared of you. I bet no one gives you candy or wax lips or cinnamon hearts or anything, because you're always so snotty to them.
Alex's nostrils flare when she gets mad. Lorelai wonders if she should tell Alex that, or if Alex will kill her and then use her as fertilizer to make her lawn pretty.
That is not true, Alex says. Trust me, I am not lacking in candy or valentines. I don't even like candy. Or valentines.
Poor Alex, Lorelai teases. Nobody likes her.
I'm not talking to you anymore, Alex says darkly. Nanny comes out and Alex points her finger at Lorelai, and says, Bailiff, remand! She is in contempt!
So they go inside to eat the fresh peach ice cream that Nanny made.
Lorelai doesn't stay for dinner, because Mr. Cabot just finished a long trial and they are going to Le Papillion to celebrate, and Lorelai is not allowed in that restaurant anymore after she put her Creepy Crawlers in her spaghetti last year and told the waiter that there were bugs in the food.
Everything is so boring at home, so she calls Alex again after dinner, but Nanny says Alex is not there. Lorelai can hear piano in the background, so she knows Alex is lying, and she wants to be mad at Alex for lying but instead she feels a lump at the bottom of her stomach. She wonders if Alex really is mad at her for what she said, about nobody liking Alex, which is not true.
Lorelai likes Alex.
And Lorelai should count for ten people, or maybe even a hundred, because her teachers always say she has more energy than everybody else in her class put together. It even says so on her report cards.
It takes a while, but after turning everything upside down in her room, and making her mother say in a voice that only dogs can hear, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, what on Earth are you doing?, Lorelai finds the sandwich bag of cinnamon hearts from last Valentine's Day.
She puts one in her mouth. It's so hot it makes her nose run, so they're still good.
The next day, she tells Driver to take her back to Alex's. She runs up the driveway just as Mr. Cabot is walking out the door.
Why hello, Miss Gilmore. Mr. Cabot says, smiling, and Lorelai smiles back, wide, because Mr. Cabot is always so nice, and not fake-nice, like most of her parents' friends are. Mr. Cabot always smiles like he means it, which is strange because he is a lawyer, and lawyers are not trustworthy. But Lorelai can trust Mr. Cabot, and she can trust Alex too, even though Alex is a big fat liar and pretends not to be at home.
Lorelai yells up at the row of windows on the third floor. She's not sure which one is Alex's, so she yells at all of them. Your dad JUST told me that you're home. So let me in.
There is a pause, and then she can hear Alex talking loudly to Nanny. Nanny, I think we need to get a guard dog. Maybe two. Vicious ones.
I like dogs, so there! Lorelai shouts.
She swears she hears Nanny laughing.
A minute later, the door opens, and Alex is there, scowling. What do you want? she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.
Here. Lorelai shoves the bag of cinnamon hearts into her hands. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's August. Alex shoves the bag back towards Lorelai.
Happy Valentine's Day anyway. Lorelai forces the bag into Alex's hand, and this time she clasps her hand over Alex's so tight that Alex has no choice but to take it.
Never said I didn't give you anything, Lorelai adds, as Alex begrudgingly opens the door some more.
I hate cinnamon hearts, Alex grumbles. They're gross.
Then you can give them to me! Lorelai tells her cheerfully. She can smell bacon frying inside, and even though she's had breakfast already, there is always room for more bacon. Maybe Nanny will make her an omelet.
Lorelai, how wonderful to see you! Mrs. Cabot sets down her cup of tea. Have you eaten?
No, Lorelai says.
She's lying, Alex says.
Well, if you're still hungry, we have lots of leftovers. Alexandra never eats anything. She just picks at her food. Not when we have company, of course. She saves her attitude for her father and me. It's absolutely tiresome.
Mother, and Lorelai swears she can hear Alex roll her eyes clean across the country.
HA! Lorelai says, resisting the urge to jump up and down and do a cartwheel. HA!.
Lorelai's mother will tell you that she loses everything, from her homework to her ponytail holders to the (hideous) sweater her grandmother gave her for Christmas, but this is a lie.
Because Lorelai did not lose (okay, she misplaced it. Briefly) the cinnamon hearts that she gave to Alex, which have consequently made Alex stop hating Valentine's Day, which is good, because Lorelai is pretty sure Valentine's Day is the best holiday, maybe even better than Christmas and Halloween.
Especially when it's in August.
Now all Lorelai needs to do is to convince the banks to take the day off.
She's working on it.
I'm hungry. Going to bed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 08:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 01:15 pm (UTC)He was never, ever, that annoying (because I think I may have killed Lorelai if I were Alex, except when she's being annoying sweet, because then it becomes a conflicting thought like, hug her to death or not to hug her to death). He was still a pain in the ass though.
Yes, I think I will go give Noel a hug today. And when his fake half-assed manbeard gives me carpet burn on my cheek, I'll blame Lorelai.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 04:58 pm (UTC)Awwwwwwwwwwww.
I'm such a good influence on you! Like Lorelai is to Alex! Fortunately, I have no childhood best friend, unless you count Slutty, who is far away and whom I will not hug, lest I contract genital herpes just from skin contact. Through several layers of clothing.
Bonus question: Can you tell which song the subject of this post is from?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 05:39 pm (UTC)I have no idea, seriously. I'm already brain-fried, and it's only 12:30 (which is due to actually doing REAL WORK while working from home). Can I get a hint?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 05:51 pm (UTC)Hee, the names make me laugh because . . . well. Cabot and March.
I AM EASILY AMUSED, OKAY?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 06:38 pm (UTC)hahahah - you ARE easily amused, and boy do you love your Stephy Tang.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 02:20 pm (UTC)Hee, I do love the kidfic!
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 04:59 pm (UTC)Kidfic is so much fun to write. It's a disease. Really.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 06:34 pm (UTC)I caught the tail end of last night's GG while waiting for Veronica Mars to come on. It made me sad.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 07:07 pm (UTC)I haven't watched GG in forever. What made you so sad? Loss was on last night, and at the very end of it, I said to the screen, "Awww, Alex, don't worry. You'll be in Stars Hollow soon."
I cannot help it if I have a distorted view of reality.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-15 02:50 am (UTC)The problem could be easily solved if they made Lorelai gay. Seriously, HOW HARD IS IT TO SEE THAT?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 09:01 pm (UTC)I'll just put in my favourite bits because... I like to do that. XD.
Why not?
It's my house.
Your mother said you're supposed to be nice to me.
She did not.
AND.
Everything is so boring at home, so she calls Alex again after dinner, but Nanny says Alex is not there. Lorelai can hear piano in the background, so she knows Alex is lying, and she wants to be mad at Alex for lying but instead she feels a lump at the bottom of her stomach. She wonders if Alex really is mad at her for what she said, about nobody liking Alex, which is not true.
Lorelai likes Alex.
Awww! So cute. <33333333
no subject
Date: 2007-02-15 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-14 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-15 03:00 am (UTC)Aw, thank you! I'm very glad you like the
meth lollipopscrackfic.Also, your icon is AWESOME.