I hope this is cracktastic enough for you! It's a random AU where Lorelai works at a greeting card company and Alex is her boss. I don't know. I saw the DVD of (500) Day of Summer at HMV the other day.
*
There is a finite number of ways to say "I love you" and Lorelai's company has pretty much milked that cow dry.
"Is there a way we can use that? 'You have milked dry the cow that is my love. Happy Valentines Day?'"
Sookie shakes her head, mostly horrified.
"Cabot says we could do snarky," Lorelai says defensively, but it's lame, and she knows. It's probably also offensive to the lactose intolerant.
The whole milk and cow thing gives Sookie a craving for cheese and Lorelai offers to fetch her some Kraft singles from the fridge in the break room, because Sookie's twenty months pregnant and because Alex's office is on the way to the break room and mostly because Alex is wearing her glasses today as well as an impossibly tight skirt, the combination of which is making Lorelai wet just thinking about it.
Alex is on the phone when Lorelai tips the door open. She frowns but gestures for Lorelai to come in, and Lorelai makes sure to close the door behind her. Close and lock.
"All right," Alex says, once her call is over, "do you have the ideas for Valentine's Day?"
"Yes. They involve doing many things that the bible does not condone and are possibly illegal in several states."
Alex glares, and it's wrong how turned on Lorelai is. "I mean for the project."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I've got a few." Lorelai scavenges her mind for something, anything that can be construed as a decent greeting for a Valentine's Day card. "You said we could do snarky, right?"
Alex looks pained. "There is a certain market for that," she concedes.
"Okay, how about 'If I had balls, I'd shave them for you this Valentine's Day?'"
"I said snarky, not vulgar."
Lorelai wracks her mind some more but is distracted by the shirt that Alex is wearing and the clavicle it ever so slightly reveals.
"Lorelai!"
"I'm thinking! Here: 'If I was your co-worker, I'd sexually harass you.'"
"Lorelai."
"I like to keep it grounded in reality!"
Alex looks at her long-sufferingly and sighs. "Technically, I'm not your co-worker. I'm your immediate supervisor."
"Well, then as my immediate supervisor, you are welcome to sexually harass me at any time."
Lorelai has one hand underneath Alex's bra and is trying to figure out how to work the zipper on her skirt when Alex suddenly pulls back and says, "By the way, it's 'If I were.'"
"What?"
"'If I were your co-worker.' I'd appreciate it if you could sexually harass me without butchering the subjunctive while doing it."
"You're the boss," says Lorelai, and that zipper finally gives in.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 05:29 pm (UTC)*
There is a finite number of ways to say "I love you" and Lorelai's company has pretty much milked that cow dry.
"Is there a way we can use that? 'You have milked dry the cow that is my love. Happy Valentines Day?'"
Sookie shakes her head, mostly horrified.
"Cabot says we could do snarky," Lorelai says defensively, but it's lame, and she knows. It's probably also offensive to the lactose intolerant.
The whole milk and cow thing gives Sookie a craving for cheese and Lorelai offers to fetch her some Kraft singles from the fridge in the break room, because Sookie's twenty months pregnant and because Alex's office is on the way to the break room and mostly because Alex is wearing her glasses today as well as an impossibly tight skirt, the combination of which is making Lorelai wet just thinking about it.
Alex is on the phone when Lorelai tips the door open. She frowns but gestures for Lorelai to come in, and Lorelai makes sure to close the door behind her. Close and lock.
"All right," Alex says, once her call is over, "do you have the ideas for Valentine's Day?"
"Yes. They involve doing many things that the bible does not condone and are possibly illegal in several states."
Alex glares, and it's wrong how turned on Lorelai is. "I mean for the project."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I've got a few." Lorelai scavenges her mind for something, anything that can be construed as a decent greeting for a Valentine's Day card. "You said we could do snarky, right?"
Alex looks pained. "There is a certain market for that," she concedes.
"Okay, how about 'If I had balls, I'd shave them for you this Valentine's Day?'"
"I said snarky, not vulgar."
Lorelai wracks her mind some more but is distracted by the shirt that Alex is wearing and the clavicle it ever so slightly reveals.
"Lorelai!"
"I'm thinking! Here: 'If I was your co-worker, I'd sexually harass you.'"
"Lorelai."
"I like to keep it grounded in reality!"
Alex looks at her long-sufferingly and sighs. "Technically, I'm not your co-worker. I'm your immediate supervisor."
"Well, then as my immediate supervisor, you are welcome to sexually harass me at any time."
Lorelai has one hand underneath Alex's bra and is trying to figure out how to work the zipper on her skirt when Alex suddenly pulls back and says, "By the way, it's 'If I were.'"
"What?"
"'If I were your co-worker.' I'd appreciate it if you could sexually harass me without butchering the subjunctive while doing it."
"You're the boss," says Lorelai, and that zipper finally gives in.