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metalphonenix and I couldn't resolve the matter on our own, so I'm taking it to livejournal. Basically, WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE AT HOME?

[Poll #1408157]

You can't choose Completely Naked Lorelai or I Don't Care As Long As She Keeps Her Mouth Shut Lorelai. Those are not options. She can either be pantsless or shirtless. Nothing else.

I'm still making my way through the first 6 seasons of GG and dear god, it has the most annoying music IN THE WORLD. The strummy la-la background music and the themesong that NEVER STOPS PLAYING IN YOUR HEAD. Jesus fuck.

Blah, because I'm bored and there's nothing on TV, let's play that game where you pick one of my fics and give me a timestamp before or after (say, 6 weeks before, or 5 minutes after, whatevs), and I will try to write something. Tags list to your left, and I will do Arrested Quantico or any of my weirdass AUs (SPN, Oregon Trail, Ocean's 11, etc.), but not JOA or Alex squared. Sorry,

onlyjustwhisper.

Come on, people. Poe implores you to entertain me!

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Awwww, THEM.

Smooshface is totally unique, like a Savior of Us All should be.

Oops, my bad.

Three months after Vegas!

Pantsless, because I feel Lorelai's legs are rather underrated. I mean, she has awesome knockers, but those legs need love too.

SPN AU: after Lorelai bangs Alex in the Good Will Hunting fic. 'Cause that afterglow scene needs to be written.

Everything was ready: the food, the beverages, the blindfolded blowup doll with makeshift scales hanging from its wrist. All that was left was the fish.

"I have a problem," said Kirk.

"You have many, Kirk," said Lorelai, straightening the bar mitzvah banner that now said HAPPY GRADUATION, ALEX!

"I have a problem right now," amended Kirk. "The fish is dead."

Lorelai stopped and turned to stare. "You're not serious."

"I'm afraid I'm very serious. I just went to check on the fish like you told me, and unless it knows how to do the backstroke, I'm pretty sure it's dead."

Refusing to believe him, Lorelai went into the bedroom, where she discovered that, indeed, Michael Phelps was dead.

She laughed in disbelief. "This can't be happening."

Except, of course, it was.

"Come on, Mikey," she said quietly, tapping her knuckles against the bowl. "Wake up and smell the marijuana."

The fish did not respond.

Because it was dead.

"It's definitely dead."

Lorelai spun around to see Alex leaning against the doorway, confetti spilled all over her hair.

Dammit. In the time Lorelai had discovered that her graduation present to Alex had kicked it, Alex had apparently arrived and the party had started without Lorelai even knowing.

Lorelai must be the worst party planner in the world.

"I'm sorry," she said. She picked up the fish bowl and held it out towards Alex. "I checked the pH levels and everything. I made sure not to overfeed him. But he died anyway. So here's a dead fish to celebrate the fact that you're officially a J.D."

Alex took the bowl, studied the dearly departed Michael Phelps, and then set it down on her dresser. "Never mind, Lorelai. In my experience, the more expensive the fish, the more likely it is to suddenly up and die."

Lorelai was about to ask if she should go ahead and flush Mikey down the toilet, but Alex grabbed her by the wrists instead, pushed her against the wall and kissed her, light and fluttery at first and then harder, deeper, because she was a lawyer now, and apparently, lawyers did everything seriously, especially kissing.

"Wow," Lorelai said, when they stopped for breath.

"Yeah," Alex said, and they went back to making out.

Edited 2009-05-31 08:18 (UTC)

OK, OK!!
I want to find out what happens at Alexandra Cabot's twelfth birthday party!
http://wizened-cynic.livejournal.com/142057.html

Also, many people seem to have a thing for these oversize shirts :)
Also also, Alex squared is so a real ship!!

Yaaaaay!! This is awesome! Fishies and kissing and Kirk... Thank you!

Uh, I actually already wrote that fic:

http://wizened-cynic.livejournal.com/184798.html#cutid1

They play strip operation and kiss some more. For reals.

Okay, I'm starting to realize that maybe I didn't word this meme correctly, because a lot of people are having a hard time figuring out what to do. My bad.

Alex squared cannot be a ship! Because Alex squared happens when Alex has already committed to Lorelai and they have a baby, and Eames would therefore be a homewrecker, and that's just not gonna happen! The only ship they could be is a FRIENDship, which looks really retarded written out like that.

I don't know how I missed that! I'll have to read it later ;)
I'll get back to you on the request-a-fic, although I still think Alex squared would be awesome. If I can't think of anything I'm just going to ask nicely for Alex squared fic where Alex and Lorelai have a dinner party and invite Eames and Barek :)

And OK! I get where you're coming from! I think my sleep-deprived brain mixed up ship and canon.
Because it is canon!

You know, maybe I can write a little something where Goren and Eames visit Stars Hollow. I think Goren would fit right in. Still don't know who Barek is, so you'll have to harrass

omiceti instead :D

You poor thing. That lavender stuff isn't working, is it?

Ooh, awesome!
You don't have to know Barek that well, to be honest. She's kind of like Goren and a little strange, but strange in a cute way. And she's a lot nicer (and hotter) than Goren.

No, sadly, it's not working that well anymore. I have actual tablets now. But I've developed an annoying habit of waking up at two in the morning every night. But never mind. Hopefully it'll go away after the exams, when there's less stress. Fingers crossed!

Oh, and I harass poor omiceti constantly. I feel bad about it sometimes.
Plus, she's already hopefully writing my Barek/Eames Christmas fic prompt :)

Oregon Trail AU: First day of Spring.

Three months, and Lorelai was officially sick of the Bahamas.

"There's so much sun," she grumbled as she lay down on top of the towel. "Why is there so much sun?"

"It's called the Caribbean," Alex said unsympathetically. "Sun happens."

"But doesn't the sun get tired? I mean, don't you think he would get sick of having to shine all the time? If I were the sun, I'd want to go supernova after a couple million years or so. Screw the human race."

"The sun doesn't get tired, because it doesn't have feelings."

"How do you know it doesn't have feelings? What if it does have feelings, and now they're hurt because you just went and dismissed them without a second thought?"

"The sun does not have feelings, because it's a ball of fire. In space. And even if it did, Lorelai, it could not possibly be tired, because it doesn't do anything. It's just there, and the planets orbit around it."

"Do you think the planets get tired then?"

Alex would need another cocktail in order to get herself through this conversation. She could easily get one, being in the Bahamas and all, but even she was getting sick of the cocktails. The cocktails, the sun, the sand, the ocean that stretched on forever, relentless and blue.

"Why did we come to the Bahamas?" Lorelai asked, wriggling into a comfortable position and untying her bikini top. "Why didn't we go to Siberia instead? I definitely remember suggesting that we go to Siberia."

"Because of this," Alex said, squeezing the Coppertone onto Lorelai's back, and then began spreading it out in circles, her skin warm and soft and gold beneath Alex's fingers.

Edited 2009-05-31 16:36 (UTC)

Shit, I got confused and thought you wanted the one where ALEX was a dude, so I wrote this instead. Too bad, you're stuck with it. Sorry.

*************

Afterwards, Alex wanted to go to sleep.

Which was difficult, as they were in the handicapped washroom of the United States Supreme Court. Also, Alex was reluctant to live up to the alarmingly true stereotype that men just want to roll over and sleep after they had sex.

So, feeling chivalrous, she pretended to listen to Lorelai talk as they drove back to the hotel. Alex found it to be an inordinately easy task, though it was hard to tell how much of it came from years of experience of tuning out anything Lorelai says, and how much came from being, well, a man. Having male anatomy, at least.

Anatomy and physiology can account for a lot.

Alex woke up that morning with the desire to watch toothless Canadians beat each other with wooden sticks, something she'd never even contemplated doing, let alone cheer her way through it.

Once they got back into their room, Lorelai peeled off what little clothing she had left and pounced onto bed. "You want to go for round two?" she asked slyly, and the look in her eye combined with her legs and breasts and lips pouty and red from being kissed only minutes ago was enough to make Alex burst out of her pants.

"Yeah, I'll say you're ready," Lorelai said, assessing Alex's erection (oh god, she will never live this down) as Alex clumsily tried to get her stupid, big, man fingers to work her belt buckle and zipper. Then finally, her stupid pants come off, and round two was every bit as glorious as round one.

And this time, Alex actually got to roll over and sleep.

Edited 2009-05-31 17:00 (UTC)

The next time they saw each other again was after the long winter. Alex was at the general store, buying buttons for Pa's new shirts, when a whirlwind of brown hair and blue eyes swept its way inside. She could recognize that voice anywhere, and she did, as Lorelai and Rory gasped in awe at the rows and rows of peppermint sticks and lemon drops and ribbon candies.

"What should we get, Mama? I want to taste everything."

"So do I, sweetheart, but first we need thread and cloth and coffee, lots and lots of coffee. I promise we'll come back later and you can buy every single kind of candy you see here, all right?"

Rory nodded, her braids bobbing behind her, and pointed to something behind the counter. Alex couldn't see from where she was, and when she leaned over to look around Miss Patricia's stout physique, her eyes caught Rory's, and at once the child exclaimed, "Miss Cabot! Mama, look! It's Miss Cabot."

Lorelai turned around and their gaze met, but before either of them could speak, Rory ran over to Alex and offered her a brown paper sack. "Would you like a lemon drop, Miss Cabot?"

"I would love one," Alex said. She didn't particularly like sweets, but perhaps having something in her mouth would render her unable to engage in any further conversations with either Gilmore.

"I can't believe we finally found you!" Rory continued. She had taken Alex's hand without Alex's knowledge and was drawing her closer and closer to Lorelai. "Mama didn't think we would see you again after we took the other road, but she was wrong. You were wrong, weren't you, Mama?"

"I was indeed." There was a twinge of bitterness to Lorelai's voice which Alex could not ignore. But neither could she address it, so she simply kept her silence.

"Are you a teacher here, Miss Cabot? I'll be starting school next week and I really hope you'll be my teacher."

"Miss Cabot isn't a teacher anymore," Lorelai answered before Alex could get a word in. "She's not even Miss Cabot anymore. She's married now, Rory, remember?"

"Actually, I'm not."

Two pairs of eyes regarded her with astonishment.

"You're not a teacher?" Rory asked, disappointed.

"I'm not married," Alex explained. "I'm still a teacher. So yes, I will probably be your teacher when you arrive at the schoolhouse next week. You'd best not be tardy, Miss Rory Gilmore."

"I won't, I won't, I won't!" Rory sauntered. "I'll be the first one there, I promise!"

"You're not married," said Lorelai incredulously.

"I'm not," said Alex. She watched Lorelai's brows furrow as Lorelai tried to make sense of what she was hearing.

"What happened to Steele?"

"Nothing happened to Steele. I simply told him that I did not wish to be his wife. There was very little else he could do about it. There's very little anyone can do about anything, once I've got my heart set on it."

"Well," Lorelai said. She was smiling now, a small one that would simmer and simmer until it burst into a grin when nobody was looking. Alex knew that smile, knew that grin. "Well, well, well. Miss Cabot, you're full of surprises, aren't you?"

"Perhaps I am," Alex said. She almost smiled, but feeling slightly ridiculous, she shrugged instead.

"I guess I will have to find out," Lorelai said.

"I guess you will," Alex said, and this time, she did smile.

Ah! Kick ass!
(does ninja kick of joy!)
There's so much underneath this!
-stay warm during the blizzard sex!
-rejection, recriminations, dissappointment
- Taking the other road!

And then Alex is like, we are in the middle of nowhere with like 30 people. Societal pressure? Are you joking?

Rory is so fucking annoying.

And, uh, all these prompts are awesome. I especially like the first one (I don't understand why I am in love with your SPN AU when I only saw the show once).

I love that Rory is so fucking annoying, even in the 1800's.

Thanks! Yeah, I don't know. I started writing the AU without ever having seen the show either. SPN is actually way better in theory than in practice, the theory of course being that it's filled to the brim with incestuous demon hunting lesbians.

The Oregon Trail! Making you think until your head explode and you make claims against me in a personal injury suit. FML.

Ah, I forgot Alex Earnes.

Don't mind which.

Nah, it's not your fault. Alex squared is really a teeny tiny fandom of one.

onlyjustwhisper made me do it!

I went with "moments before A.J. universe-jumps" because fuck it, rules are for losers.

*

Two's a terrible age, so they keep telling her. Alex doesn't find much comfort in that, since the fact that two is universally acknowledged as a terrible age doesn't make it any less terrible.

"I want play," A.J. says, the third time in five minutes.

"I want to study," Alex says, "and since I'm your mother, you have to listen to me. So I'm going to study, and you can go ... harrass Casey or something."

"I WANT PLAY."

"I said no."

A.J. hurls herself onto the floor and proceeds to scream with such violence that Kressler from downstairs starts yelling at them to shut the fuck up.

Fin will murder both of them if Kressler calls the cops, and Kressler will call the cops if A.J. keeps this up, so Alex tells her, "Okay, fine. Let's play hide and seek."

The noise stops. A.J. sits up and, rubbing her nose with her palm, says, "Hide and seek? I like hide and seek."

"Good. You can hide, and I'll come look for you." A.J. loves to hide. She isn't particularly brilliant at it though, always choosing the front closet where Munch keeps the tiny packs of sugar and creamer he's hoarded from coffee shops in preparation for an apocalypse.

A.J. considers this for a moment, then breaks into a grin. "O-tay! I hide now." She scrambles upright and scuttles out the door, and Alex is momentarily pleased at having outwitted a two-year-old.

Once A.J. is gone, Alex turns back to her books. She only has fifteen minutes before her daughter will start calling for her again. Half an hour, maybe, if she's lucky.

Oh, Alex!

A.J. is so much better off with SVU Alex. Which is probably the most depressing thing I've ever said.

I went pantsless. I thought this out very carefully. Because pantsless Lorelai would be wearing an oversized button down and the top two or three buttons would definitely be undone so there could still be boob action. And plus, the hint of boob? Way awesome, almost awesomer than actual boob.

Clearly, I thought this was worth way more time than my current Uni class. Which, of all things, was Pop Culture 210. I get to pick popular media and either bitch about it or make everyone love it. Gilmore Girls... you'll do me so well in this class. Seasons 1-5 are for loving. Seasons 6 & 7 are for *ahem* critiquing.

You've nailed it. Totally, completely nailed it. Wise(r) choice, good reasoning behind it ... you ever think about becoming a lawyer?

Ugh, jealous! How come I never get to take classes like that? My ICL prof does make jokes about Star Trek and quotes Ghostbusters (he's a total fanboy; I seriously wonder if he has a livejournal), but the class is like DEATH on a projector.

Me, a lawyer? Nope. Too much... I don't know. Law? Coz once I knew all the shit was illegal, I'd know what I was doing every day was most likely illegal and that just would annoy me for real. I prefer to commit my misdemeanors in ignorant bliss!

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