I'd consider following Christ if he was on Twitter

[wizened_cynic]

Okay, people, BEST FIC MEME EVER.

1. Pick a card on someecards.com. Any card.

2. I will write something for you based on that e-card. I pick the pairing/characters, so you may end up with Alex/Lorelai, or you may end up with Ben babysitting drunk!Stephanie, or you may end up with CHAD. Isn't that delightful? (If anything with Chad can ever be delightful.)

Okay? DO IT DO IT DO IT.

I promise to actually write for the prompts this time.



Give me something to do while I wait for Canadian SVU and Parenthood?

ALSO, PLEASE VOTE FOR LORELAI GILMORE. I love Bones, but THERE IS NO CONTEST. A VOTE FOR LORELAI IS A VOTE FOR SHINY HAIR AND AWESOME BOOBS, WHICH I JUST REALIZED ALSO APPLIES TO BONES, BUT LET'S JUST OVERLOOK THAT FOR A MOMENT AND CONCENTRATE ON VOTING FOR LORELAI. KTHXBAI.

Comments

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

The first one is just begging for Chad, and so I give you Alex/Lauren. Now with bonus Chinese New Year!

*

The good news is that Lauren has already met Chad, and Chad's really as bad as it gets. The bad news is that Lauren has met Chad, and he's Chad.

"You really don't have to come," Alex tells her as the bright neon sign of the Shanghai Orchid comes into sight. "Seriously, we can still leave right now if you want to. Well, you can. I have to show up because Chad's weirdly serious about his annual Chinese New Year banquet." It's probably the only thing Chad is serious about, other than his penis.

Lauren does not do a good job of pretending she's not laughing at Alex. "You're talking really fast," she says, clearly amused by Alex's suffering. "Have you been watching my show?"

"I figure I should know who your TV daughter is when Chad accuses us of having a threesome without telling him and then breaks into my apartment next week to install hidden cameras."

"Who else is going to be at this shindig?"

"Jared. You already know Jared, right?"

"I had a threesome with him and Alexis." Lauren bursts into demented, gleeful laughter at Alex's reaction. "And you're worried about me? I've known Chad for years. My brain's built up some sort of immunity."

"Well, then there's Misha."

Alex is acutely aware that she needs to start having friends of her own.

Well, she has Lauren now, Alex notes as they reach the banquet room where Chad is commenting for the umpteenth time on the roasted whole suckling pig that he has ordered, which is "none of that frozen shit, yo, it's gonna be yanked straight from its mother's tit and shoved into an oven until it's crispy."

It's a start.

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

You know, I bet Lauren's the one that pushed Chad into real douchebag territory. She probably wouldn't fuck him and he developed a protective douchey exterior in response.

[nike-ravus.livejournal.com]

Alex is just attracted to crazy, isn't she?

And this is so meta it is making my brain break (mainly because I was trying to to fuse Gospel of Chad with What's Wrong with Neal Baer-verse. There was system failure) . I love it that this is basically CWRPF with Alex... just there. More CWRPF should have Alex as Chad's oppressed relative. And.... You should write it!

And Alex/Lauren...? How did this come about? I need plot points!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's a way to fuse Gospel of Chad with Fuck Neal Baer, because Chad is awesomely douchey in the former and Chad is just douchey in the latter (since it's from Sophia's POV). Plus we can't have Alex and Stephanie exist in the same universe. Why am I giving this so much thought?

I love any universe in which Alex is unwittingly related to Chad, so there will probably be more in the future.

I DON'T KNOW HOW ALEX/LAUREN HAPPENED. I'm thinking they met at the coming out party Chad threw for Jared.

[annapie.livejournal.com]

I think my brain just exploded? Is this set during GG, or Parenthood? Because a threesome with that trampy weedy emo-kid would be wrong on too many levels.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I think this is set post-GG, but pre-Parenthood. I don't know. Don't parse the crack universe.