(no subject)

[wizened_cynic]

metalphonenix and I couldn't resolve the matter on our own, so I'm taking it to livejournal. Basically, WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE AT HOME?

[Poll #1408157]

You can't choose Completely Naked Lorelai or I Don't Care As Long As She Keeps Her Mouth Shut Lorelai. Those are not options. She can either be pantsless or shirtless. Nothing else.

I'm still making my way through the first 6 seasons of GG and dear god, it has the most annoying music IN THE WORLD. The strummy la-la background music and the themesong that NEVER STOPS PLAYING IN YOUR HEAD. Jesus fuck.

Blah, because I'm bored and there's nothing on TV, let's play that game where you pick one of my fics and give me a timestamp before or after (say, 6 weeks before, or 5 minutes after, whatevs), and I will try to write something. Tags list to your left, and I will do Arrested Quantico or any of my weirdass AUs (SPN, Oregon Trail, Ocean's 11, etc.), but not JOA or Alex squared. Sorry, onlyjustwhisper.

Come on, people. Poe implores you to entertain me!

Comments

[azurejay.livejournal.com]

Shirtless, because people who have shirts on but no pants look weird to me.

SPN AU, after Alex gets murderfied for being devil spawn.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Research shows that couples who lose a child have a divorce rate of over 80 percent. Research doesn't say anything about the divorce rate for couples who lose a child because one half of that couple had to murder said child in order to save humankind from fire and brimstone and demons, including and not limited to the ladies from The View.

In any case, Dad and Daddy aren't married, so they can't get divorced, so at least Lorelai doesn't have to worry about becoming a statistic. It's bad enough she's a twinless twin.

Research also shows that twinless twins are five times more likely to become alcoholic, lose their jobs, attempt suicide, and experience being haunted by the restless souls of their former twins. At least according to the support group anyway. You can visit their website at www.twinlesstwinssupportgroup.org

So far Lorelai has dipped her toes into all of those things, sort of. She's not an alcoholic yet, but only because she's so busy not having a job anymore. She didn't lose her job as a hunter; she quit, because there's no point anyway, and she hasn't found time to commit suicide in between eating her weight in Tollhouse cookie dough (her grief speaks through her stomach) and calling her dads every hour to make sure they are still together. They don't necessarily have to be speaking to each other, as long as they're still together.

As for the haunting, well, it's a lie. It's a big fat lie perpetrated by twinless twins in positions of power, who prey on other twinless twins that are innocent and unsuspecting and sleep all day so they can stay awake all night and wait for their twin to come back and tell them that they're okay, they're back, they'll never leave again.

All lies, people, lies, and Lorelai so regrets making an account on the forum and sharing an edited-to-PG version of her story with the others, and when they reply telling her that they understand and that it's okay to grieve and feel better soon, she feels like reaching into her laptop and blasting them all in the face with rock salt because, god, they end their posts with "take care" and then a colon and a closing parenthesis, and Alex wouldn't have stood for that shit. She wouldn't have.

But she's dead, dead dead dead, and Dad and Daddy are probably getting separated, and Lorelai is all alone, a twinless twin, a child of divorce, with nobody to turn to except for people who tell her to take care, smiley face.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

But! She could get splinters on her nipples!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm really okay. I'm about to hit the sack in a few minutes away. Nipples can wait for tomorrow.

[fallon-ash.livejournal.com]

Shirtless, because I like boobs. And waists. And collarbones. Legs? Not as much.

And fishverse, the following May 22nd, 17:04 one year later.

[somniesperus.livejournal.com]

I saw pantsless Lorelai in that episode after she slept with Luke the first time, when she put on one of his shirts and wandered downstairs into the diner. She was adorable.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

That was a cute episode! Before all the wangst and Luke started acting like a dick and Lorelai became even more of a passive-aggressive emotionally needy bitch.

Yay for voting PANTSLESS! Welcome to the table! With no pants! (You can keep yours on. It's only Lorelai who has to keep hers off.)

[theagonyofblank.livejournal.com]

Pantsless, because it's hotter. ;)

I think I'll go with Oregon Trail AU. Or Ocean's 11! You pick.

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

It's such a difficult decision! Both have their perks, but ultimately boobs win.

Um, I pick 1 year after the fic where Lorelai Affleck knocks Alex up.

I'm using your icon!!

[onlyjustwhisper.livejournal.com]

This is a seriously tough one, because if Lorelai was wearing kind of an oversize shirt and nothing else, I would have to go with that, but on the other hand I like waists and skin and smooth backs. So hmmm. Is she wearing jeans? Or a skirt?
I am torn here!!
I think I'm going to even up the poll by ticking the shirtless one :D :D

Re: I'm using your icon!!

[onlyjustwhisper.livejournal.com]

Also, I am pouting about the no Alex squared fic :( :( *pouts sulkily*
I'm just going to ask for anything with Alex and babies, since I can't have Alex squared. (On the other hand, I love how that's practically become part of canon and people know what it means :D)

[aquila1nz.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who isn't sure which fic is Alex squared? I'm sure I should know. Makes me afraid to vote for anything with Alex in.

I vote shirtlesss, but now I'm remembering the pantless diner scene. Am very undecided today!

[hivesix.livejournal.com]

She would definitely be pants-less because I was imagining her walking around that way in my house, and I'm a leg woman. Plus if she were wearing a dress shirt I'd just be a goner.

[nike-ravus.livejournal.com]

This makes me so sad.

I am now melancholy. It is not unpleasant.

[aquila1nz.livejournal.com]

Oh, wait, was it the doppelganger fic, timetraveller's wife style?

I want QuantumAjverse, the day before AJ universe jumps.

[scribesquill.livejournal.com]

I'm imagining an everyday-type clothes, then WHAM either shirt or pants are removed, thus removing the adorable oversized shirt scenario from my voting math. Therefore, I picked shirtless. I have to agree with onlyjustwhisper about the waist and skin and smooth back. Add in shoulders and the bellybutton-to-hips general area, and I'm happy.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Not my fault. Blame azurejay!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Ocean's 11! But, uh, pick a timestamp?

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, MY FRIEND.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

They had a hard time coming up with a name for The Savior of Us All, so for two months, they just called her Smooshface. Because she looked like one, and because The Savior of Us All was quite a mouthful, especially after eight weeks of sleep deprivation.

They would've named her Mary, but both their dads objected. The kid needs her own name, they said, so it was back to Beyond Jennifer and Jason, which was totally outdated anyway, who the hell still names their kid Jennifer these days?

"Isabella?" Lorelai suggested.

"Ugh," said Alex. "Too Twilight. Caroline."

"Too Little House on the Prairie."

"You love Little House on the Prairie."

"Not enough to name my kid after Ma Ingalls. Ava."

"Everyone's named Ava. She's going to go to kindergarten with six other Avas. Victoria."

"No! No queen names!"

They stared at each other in exhausted silence as little Mary-Isabella-Caroline-Victoria-Ava let out a contented little sigh from where she was napping in her bassinet.

"We're going to call her Smooshface forever, aren't we?" Alex asked, defeated.

Lorelai nodded. "But she'll be the only Smooshface in her kindergarten class."

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Alex squared is a special weird AU JUST for onlyjustwhisper, and it's Alex Cabot being ADA for Major Case and meeting Alex Eames. Not a real ship, though, because Alex is post-monkeypaw baby in there. (So little about this paragraph makes sense.)

Do you want the day in Alex's life before she finds A.J., or the day in A.J.'s life before she suddenly finds herself in her new mommy's closet?

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

I FEEL SO LONELY IN MY CORNER WITH PANTSLESS LORELAI

D':

Re: I'm using your icon!!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Shirtless Lorelai is kicking Pantsless Lorelai's ass. BOO!!!

You need to pick an actual fic and then give me a timestamp for it! Otherwise it's not fun! Go!

[scribesquill.livejournal.com]

Aw, don't feel bad. You get her all to yourself! We have to fight over her boobs over here.

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

COLON OPEN PARENTHESIS, JO, COLON OPEN PARENTHESIS