I'd consider following Christ if he was on Twitter

[wizened_cynic]

Okay, people, BEST FIC MEME EVER.

1. Pick a card on someecards.com. Any card.

2. I will write something for you based on that e-card. I pick the pairing/characters, so you may end up with Alex/Lorelai, or you may end up with Ben babysitting drunk!Stephanie, or you may end up with CHAD. Isn't that delightful? (If anything with Chad can ever be delightful.)

Okay? DO IT DO IT DO IT.

I promise to actually write for the prompts this time.



Give me something to do while I wait for Canadian SVU and Parenthood?

ALSO, PLEASE VOTE FOR LORELAI GILMORE. I love Bones, but THERE IS NO CONTEST. A VOTE FOR LORELAI IS A VOTE FOR SHINY HAIR AND AWESOME BOOBS, WHICH I JUST REALIZED ALSO APPLIES TO BONES, BUT LET'S JUST OVERLOOK THAT FOR A MOMENT AND CONCENTRATE ON VOTING FOR LORELAI. KTHXBAI.

Comments

[nike-ravus.livejournal.com]

I voted for Lorelai! (Although I find it amusing that all of the campaign posters are like "even though she doesn't carry a gun," and I'm like, "dude, just think about what you said, Lorelai with a gun is the most terrifying prospect ever!") And Fishkeeper-verse! OMFFFG!

THIRD EDIT. sorry!

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

Thanks for voting for Lorelai like a decent human being would, unlike SOMEBODY who voted for BONES even after I asked her to vote for Lorelai and in fact drew her attention to the Fandom March Madness in the first place. You know what I do to people like that? I VOTE FOR SHELDON COOPER OUT OF SPITE.

Anyway. You get Criminal Minds RPF AU, just for that.


*

Each person in the office has their own special thing. That's just how the universe works.

For example, Kristin's thing is knitting behind the front desk when she thinks no one's looking. Gibson's thing is complaining about never getting home to see his wife and kids. Matthew's thing is drawing weird cartoon figures of people, Joe's thing is having a dubious connection to the Mafia, and Shemar's thing is being black.

A.J.'s thing is being competent at her job, which makes her considerably less interesting than her co-workers but also indispensable to workplace productivity.

Paget has only been at the office for two weeks, which is usually too soon to tell what exactly her thing is. At first they thought it might be Dressing Like a Slut, but on her third day she showed up in pajama pants and a Northwestern hoodie and took a four-hour lunch break, so they reconsidered and concluded that her thing was Actively Trying to Get Fired. She then celebrated her first week by stealing all the toilet paper in the entire building, and on the tenth day, she came into work announcing that she had just flashed her boobs at the falafel guy from downstairs.

"It was for a good cause," she explained.

"MADD?" Matthew suggested.

"No, I got a free falafel."

After two weeks, it's become evident to A.J. that Paget's thing is to be cantankerous, inappropriate, self-destructive, impossibly and inexplicably attractive, and (hopefully) single.

Paget manages to arrive on time for her fifteenth day, which confuses everybody and turns their morning routine into utter chaos.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Kristin says apologetically. "We forgot your bagel."

"Because you're never here this early," Matthew says.

Joe pats his arm patiently and reminds him about trying harder to pick up on social cues.

"Here," A.J. says, before any of her co-workers can make the situation even more awkward. "You can have mine. I've got a coffee, so I'm good."

"Thank you!" Paget smiles winningly as she takes the bagel from A.J. Their fingers touch for a second, and A.J. is suddenly, unequivocally convinced that she is going to die. There is no way her heart can beat that fast without going into cardiac arrest. She's seen it on House.

Fortunately, Matthew manages to distract her out of her tachychardia. "Your face is turning really red," he comments thoughtfully. "You are possibly having a stroke or you may be sexually aroused."

"Shut up, Matthew," says A.J.

They go back to work as if nothing has happened. Around eleven, Paget appears at A.J.'s desk and asks, "Do you want to have lunch? I know this place where they serve drinks in these containers that look like severed heads."

"Severed heads?"

"They're not creepy, I swear. And the gnocchi is really good."

"Um, okay," A.J. hears herself saying, even though the rational part of her realizes that this is a terrible idea, because 1.) Paget is crazy, 2.) A.J. has made a pact with herself after Lola that she isn't going to be attracted to crazy anymore, 3.) having lunch with Paget, who is crazy, will not help A.J. in becoming less attracted to Paget, who is crazy, and 4.) severed heads? Really? Did A.J. learn nothing from Lola?

"Cool. I'll make a reservation."

No sooner has Paget disappeared into her cubicle when Bernero marches out of the elevator and shouts, "WHO STOLE ALL THE LIGHTBULBS FROM THE SIXTH FLOOR?"

A.J. is so screwed.

Re: THIRD EDIT. sorry!

[nike-ravus.livejournal.com]

Yay! (I was just thinking about Jessica from Andy Richter controls the Universe. Crazy AU is remarkably prescient. And better.)

Re: THIRD EDIT. sorry!

[halfabubble.livejournal.com]

lmfao this is amazing. I love crazy!Paget.

Re: THIRD EDIT. sorry!

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

and Shemar's thing is being black. *snort*

Re: THIRD EDIT. sorry!

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

I think Shemar's thing is being black and occasionally yet compulsively denying he's gay.

Did A.J. learn nothing from Lola

Ah, nice callback there.

Love this, hope you do more Crazy!Paget.