The first one is just begging for Chad, and so I give you Alex/Lauren. Now with bonus Chinese New Year!
*
The good news is that Lauren has already met Chad, and Chad's really as bad as it gets. The bad news is that Lauren has met Chad, and he's Chad.
"You really don't have to come," Alex tells her as the bright neon sign of the Shanghai Orchid comes into sight. "Seriously, we can still leave right now if you want to. Well, you can. I have to show up because Chad's weirdly serious about his annual Chinese New Year banquet." It's probably the only thing Chad is serious about, other than his penis.
Lauren does not do a good job of pretending she's not laughing at Alex. "You're talking really fast," she says, clearly amused by Alex's suffering. "Have you been watching my show?"
"I figure I should know who your TV daughter is when Chad accuses us of having a threesome without telling him and then breaks into my apartment next week to install hidden cameras."
"Who else is going to be at this shindig?"
"Jared. You already know Jared, right?"
"I had a threesome with him and Alexis." Lauren bursts into demented, gleeful laughter at Alex's reaction. "And you're worried about me? I've known Chad for years. My brain's built up some sort of immunity."
"Well, then there's Misha."
Alex is acutely aware that she needs to start having friends of her own.
Well, she has Lauren now, Alex notes as they reach the banquet room where Chad is commenting for the umpteenth time on the roasted whole suckling pig that he has ordered, which is "none of that frozen shit, yo, it's gonna be yanked straight from its mother's tit and shoved into an oven until it's crispy."
no subject
*
The good news is that Lauren has already met Chad, and Chad's really as bad as it gets. The bad news is that Lauren has met Chad, and he's Chad.
"You really don't have to come," Alex tells her as the bright neon sign of the Shanghai Orchid comes into sight. "Seriously, we can still leave right now if you want to. Well, you can. I have to show up because Chad's weirdly serious about his annual Chinese New Year banquet." It's probably the only thing Chad is serious about, other than his penis.
Lauren does not do a good job of pretending she's not laughing at Alex. "You're talking really fast," she says, clearly amused by Alex's suffering. "Have you been watching my show?"
"I figure I should know who your TV daughter is when Chad accuses us of having a threesome without telling him and then breaks into my apartment next week to install hidden cameras."
"Who else is going to be at this shindig?"
"Jared. You already know Jared, right?"
"I had a threesome with him and Alexis." Lauren bursts into demented, gleeful laughter at Alex's reaction. "And you're worried about me? I've known Chad for years. My brain's built up some sort of immunity."
"Well, then there's Misha."
Alex is acutely aware that she needs to start having friends of her own.
Well, she has Lauren now, Alex notes as they reach the banquet room where Chad is commenting for the umpteenth time on the roasted whole suckling pig that he has ordered, which is "none of that frozen shit, yo, it's gonna be yanked straight from its mother's tit and shoved into an oven until it's crispy."
It's a start.