Why is your hand in a chicken?

[wizened_cynic]

Adding this to the list of brilliant things I have done:

I had dinner at my grandparents' tonight, after which I felt a craving for sweets and went rummaging through the cupboards. I came across a half-eaten roll of Japanese chewy candies. The wrapper had been partially ripped off so I couldn't see the expiration date, so I figured, what the hell, right? Ate it. Didn't really taste off, just tougher to chew than usual.

Minutes later I came across another roll of candy. This one was intact, and the expiration date on the wrapper said 13.1.03 which I decided to construe as January 3, 2013. My 19-year-old cousin was all, "Uh ... what if it's actually January 13, 2003?"

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT," I informed her. "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ANYTHING I SAY?" Just to prove my point, I ate a candy from this roll and did not die.

And then I found a third roll of candy, the expiration date of which was 2003.

Oh, fuck.

The candy is seven fucking years old. It's a second-grader! It can probably write in cursive if it tried and multiply three-digit numbers.

"Should I call poison control?" my cousin asked when she finally stopped laughing.

I make awesome choices, guys. Awesome choices.

Comments

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If you're not dead by now, then clearly that expiration date was merely a suggestion. Either that or you're not human. Think about it.