wizened_cynic: (SM2 (annapie))
I don't know what this is. I really wanted to write about babies. My co-worker brought hers to work and he was so fucking cute, this happened.

For clarification, this is Criminal Minds gen, with a minor dash of Emily/JJ towards the end. Jesus, you think after 9 years, I'd be better at this.

five times emily prentiss was almost somebody's mother )

It's like 80% angst, 15% schmoop, and 5% WHAT THE FUCK CYNIC. You are warned. (Seriously, it's like 1/5 Gilmore Girls AU, 1/5 Supernatural AU, 1/5 Doyle-arc which might as well be a fucking AU.)

Now up and ready at AO3 so I can whore myself out for more comments! YAY!

wizened_cynic: (Cm - bitch please)
So, instead of studying for constitutional law, THE ABSOLUTE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE, I sat down to watch whatever was on television, which happened to be some Land Before Time Cartoon and an old episode of Zach and Cody.

Let's talk about Land Before Time, shall we? Am I supposed to believe that a bunch of pussy herbivores went and adopted a baby T-rex who doesn't grow up to EAT ALL OF THEM and is purple? And the new pink dinosaur, whatever she is, am I supposed to believe she can just pick up a stone and skip it? SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS. And there's some random fish that speaks like a special needs Chinese man. WHAT THE FUCK? I REMEMBER THE LAND BEFORE TIME BEING SO AWESOME WHEN I WAS SIX. MY CHILDHOOD, IT IS DESTROYED.

As for Zach and Cody: wow, that Max sure is a little budding lesbian, isn't she?

During the time I didn't spend watching this crap, I wrote another installment of the "Lorelai can't ..." mini-series. Because you love it when SPN!Lorelai gets into all kinds of shenanigans.

Lorelai can't stop twitching her nose. )

wizened_cynic: (lorelai - smile)
Pre-exam ficlet! I had too much fun with Lorelai's curse last time, so here she is, suffering through another supernaturally-related malady.

SPN AU, gay incestuous demon-hunting sisters, you know the drill.

Lorelai can't stop eating vegetables. )


By the way, new Ovaltine pictures and video on [livejournal.com profile] cuppahamster! You know you want it.

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - alex lorelai twins!)
Better Off Ted is still the most hilarious new show of the season! Why aren't you guys watching it? LESBIANS! There is PORTIA in it! You know you love PORTIA! And her character is like, what Alex would be if Alex got lobotomized, started smoking crack, and then worked for a powerful mega-corporation during witness protection that makes 8-legged chickens and cowless meat blobs.

So watch it! It's good! And funny! And good! And funny!

What was NOT good: Criminal Minds. Okay, so it wasn't sucky as much as it was ... mediocre. Emily Prentiss needs a baby. That will make the show SO MUCH BETTER.

Oh, and for some reason, I wrote a ficlet where SPN!Lorelai can't stop kissing things.

Lorelai can't stop kissing things. )

In conclusion, watch Better Off Ted! The end!

wizened_cynic: (story of my life)
FUCK, I really should be asleep because I have to be up in FOUR HOURS for equity and trusts, which, ew. But I really wanted to post this even though it's probably riddled with mistakes, but what do any of you care anyway, only three of you will understand it because it's full of references to both SVU and SPN canon. I will fix it tomorrow when I am not ALSEEP ON MY FEEL. Wow, will you look at that. I am le tired.

The prompt is "felony" but the fic is so long that I think it deserves its own title. I will think of that tomorrow because, seriously, four hours.

I really hope more than two of you read this though, because it's the first time since I started these prompts that I feel I've gotten my groove back.

Even with his feet in shackles, Dean Winchester manages to swagger as he walks into the courtroom, and if Alex weren't so busy looking over the detective's reports, she would've sworn she saw him hitting on Petrovsky. )
wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - lorelai + sam)
PEOPLE. IT'S DONE. Man, this is going to be a fun one to explain when I post the fic to [livejournal.com profile] red_packet. Basically SPN! Alex and Lorelai go to San Francisco on a hunt! And they run into Lindsay Boxer! (Yeah, I might've been mainlining on WMC eps on Tudou.com, and speaking of, that Cindy is adorable stuff, isn't she?) The Monster of the Week is roughly based on this, and everything I know about San Francisco comes from Wikipedia.

Here goes, guys. Another unholy crossover by yours truly.

Lorelai has never met Abbie Carmichael, but Lorelai HAS seen her picture on Facebook, and Lorelai has an excellent memory when it comes to faces, so she is fairly certain that the woman shoving her into an interrogation room is the same woman who used to yell, 'Alex, it's your psychotic sister!' whenever Lorelai called. )

A million thanks as usual to [livejournal.com profile] bank_farter who enables, encourages, and entertains. It's every bit as dirty as it sounds. The Scrubs shoutouts are all yours, PB!

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - dad/daddy)
HA HA WRITER'S BLOCK SUCK IT.
Um, yes. I managed to write again. It's a really, really belated birthday present for [livejournal.com profile] thepurpleswitch. And it's a Christmas story, even though it's September. I KNOW. I'm DERANGED, OKAY?

Anyway, before I go on I think I should explain a little something to those who don't watch Supernatural. Which would be most of you. Because you're lesbians. Except it's Friday afternoon so only two of you are reading this right now. And you are only reading this because I'm making you.

Regardless. This is Daddy, a.k.a. Dean Winchester. As [livejournal.com profile] thepurpleswitch puts it, he is so full of secret manpain, he is practically liquid. This is Sam Winchester, otherwise known as Dad. In my universe, he's practically the perfect stay at home mom.

Yeah, this story is not so much Alex/Lorelai, but Alex and Christmas and her relationship with Daddy and law school and hunting. Bonus crossovers in the last part! Totally contradicts all canon in any and all of the following shows: Gilmore Girls, Law and Order SVU, Supernatural, etc. etc.

I don't really give a fuck because, dude, I CAN WRITE AGAIN.

I probably shouldn't but that is not the point.

It was winter and Daddy had been gone for weeks, tracking a pack maenads that had been drifting from one sorority to another. Frat boys were dropping like flies from alcohol poisoning. Some were mutilated, bodies slashed and drained of blood. )


I HAVE A LONG WEEKEND. VIVA COMMUNIST CHINA!!!!!!
wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - dad/daddy)
In twelve hours, I will be on a plane to New York. I AM EXCITED BEYOND WORDS.

Anyway, before I go, here is some Supernatural AU fic because [livejournal.com profile] thepurpleswitch reminded me of how OTF (one true family) the Winchesters are. Especially Dean and Alex.

Somewhat depressing. Mangles canon.

three times alex picked dad over daddy )

So long, childrens! Next time, I'll be talking to you from the Big Apple.

(Unless I post tomorrow morning.)

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU -- daddy hmmm?)
Yeah, I wrote it. 6390 words. Which is, like, twice the length of the psychology paper I HAVE NOT YET FINISHED. Warning: EXTREMELY cracky, with a liberal dose of genderswap incest hetsex.

And no, I don't have a better title for this fic.

Alex said, What? and Alex said, How? and Alex said, Goddammit, Lorelai, take your hand out of your pants. )

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - dad/daddy)
I wrote this instead. WHATEVERS FANDOM.

Alex and Lorelai's first day of school. A little depressing. Partially based on the drawing Jew made (see below cut).

What about me? I didn't want to go to school. I wanted a pony. When do I get my pony? )
wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - lorelai + sam)
Crack Sprouts (who does not have a LIVEJOURNAL, and therefore I am only able to refer to her as Crack Sprouts, which is actually kind of a cool name so forget this parenthesis had any point whatsoever) asked for SPN kid!Alex and Lorelai. Five Truths Lorelai Told Alex Amongst Childish Lies and Bungled Secondhand Information. Unforutnately I was only able to come up with four. Even more unforunately, I have to go study stupid fucking crappy Latin written by stupid fucking monks, so I think I'm in a much worse position and you can forgive me if I can't think of ONE MORE DAMN TRUTH.

I mean . . . hope you like it, Cracky!

SPN AU - Five, No, FOUR Truths Lorelai Told Alex Amongst Childish Lies and Bungled Secondhand Information )

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - our daddies fight ghosts!)
I can't write anything that isn't cracked up. What else is new, you say? Well, this fic is. Not recommended for anyone who is a big fan of Make Way for Ducklings. Never been to Boston, so all geographical errors are all mine. Title from this poem, which I dig muchly. Characterization is for ninnies.

Make Way For Ducklings was ruined forever when Dad and Daddy took them to Boston to hunt down the duck statues in the Public Garden, which were coming to life and luring children into the pond to be drowned. )
wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - dad/daddy)
You know what sucks about Daylight Savings? It seems like the time is going 3000000000 times more slowly. Like, I kept staring the clock earlier, and it was still 10 when hello, it felt like 11! There was so much time! I had done all my Latin! No one was online to amuse me by dancing naked or doing something similarly mock-worthy!

I got really bored. So I wrote more of the SPN AU. Half of the world will be preoccupied with [livejournal.com profile] femslash07 anyway, so I thought I'd be SUBVERSIVE and write, like, male slash. Except not. It's Dad/Daddy. So, close enough. And it's mostly for [livejournal.com profile] thepurpleswitch.

How they found their daddies. Or, more accurately, how their daddies found them. )

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - alex lorelai twins!)
I am really, really high right now.

Like, really, really high.

I wrote this in under a half hour. Read it if you dare.

Alex and Lorelai fight Dementors. )

wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - dad/daddy)
More Supernatural AU fic. There's sex this time, making the incest factor 10000000 times more prominent, so if it's not cup of tea, go head over to Tim Horton's instead. Their green tea sucks but I like their toasted chicken clubs.

She's always wanted to have sex at Disneyland. )

wizened_cynic: (alex - wisconsin)
This is the moment you've been waiting for. I FINISHED THE ALEX/LORELAI SUPERNATURAL AU BOOOYAH!!!!!! I'm so, so sorry for all of this. You have no idea. Only two people will actually read this fic, and I know who they are, and I apologize right now for making your skulls fracture and your brains bleed. I just couldn't NOT write this. I couldn't.

So here it is: Alex and Lorelai does Supernatural. Very vaguely incestuous, what with them being twins and all that. Demon-hunting included, as well as a guest appearance by Sam and Dean (Don't kill me, BJ!) Over 5000 words, which is the longest A/L fic I've written in one sitting, I think. *facepalms*

ETA: [livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 is clearly the messiah because look! Such a pretty poster! She also would like you to note the Volvo in the background. Worship her. Now.

When your sister has clamped her hand over your mouth and huddled against you as you both lay in the trunk of your fathers' car, listening to the sounds of your dads blasting silver bullets into a pack of werewolves, it doesn't really matter that you have to drive her home from a keg party, or let her copy off your algebra homework, or douse her prom date with holy water. )

Feedback telling me I'm insane? Would be lovely. I need a vacation from MYSELF.

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