wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - alex lorelai twins!)
So a long time ago, someone, and I forgot who, said she wanted to read about kidfic Alex and Lorelai going skinny dipping. This was, like, two months ago. Here it is now, whoever you are!

Nanny has a baby name book and one afternoon, Lorelai and Alex were flipping through it, looking up their own names. Alex's name means 'defender of man' and Lorelai is a variant of Lorelei, which is a siren in German folklore, and not the kind on a fire engine, but the kind that called sailors to their death, and that is <i>exactly</i> what is happening right now, except Alex is not a sailor and hopefully she's not going to die. )

Dude, I got an email from the Law School of Suckitude and General Disorganization, asking me to pick up my student ID next week and to sign up for an orientation thing. It's already AUGUST, guys. This is actually happening.

I think I have ennui.
wizened_cynic: (lorelai - devious)
First of the five things ficlets, as per requested by [livejournal.com profile] kymess_jr. I know you've been having a couple of rough days, so I hope this will cheer you up.!

Kidfic - Five Times Alex Lost to Lorelai )

Will work on the next one now. Still taking prompts if you feel like playing the game.

wizened_cynic: (Default)
Valentine's Day is lame, but happy V-Day for those who buy into the corporate commercial trap of uglyass teddy bears and overpriced chocolate.

On a happier note, [livejournal.com profile] theagonyofblank made an awesome, awesome Chinese New Year gift for me! Take a look here for yourself!

I promised her some CNY kidfic, but the lesbian Judy Blume muse struck me a few days early, so instead here is a Valentine's Day kidfic. That takes place in August! Because I'm awesome. There will still be CNY fic though, but maybe not kidfic. I don't know. We'll see. Happy early Chinese New Year!

Again, takes place the summer Alex and Lorelai are 11. Or 12. Somewhere around there. Title from Lewis Carroll. I was desperate.

all mimsy were the borogoves )

I'm hungry. Going to bed.

wizened_cynic: (Default)
I am making this post for archival purposes. Here are the ficlets I wrote for yesterday's meme. You can still play if you want to! And you know you want to! Unless you don't. In which case, you are a loser.

But first, a conversation between me and Jew, who, it is important to note, has NEVER watched a minute's worth of Gilmore Girls in her entire life.

DrummerJew2002: i think canon lorelai's main problem is that she is not a lesbian
DrummerJew2002: all her other issues are just secondary
wcynic: that's the most succinct summary of what is wrong with gilmore girls
DrummerJew2002: it needs more lesbians
DrummerJew2002: that's the solution to any problem

See? Problems can be solved by homosexuality! Sign your kids up now.

sports medicine (kidfic) )

untitled snippet because I am lazy (claire) )

gladly beyond (claire) )

patty hearst doesn't live here anymore (claire) )

obligatory hugh laurie love-fest (claire) )

I have two JOA ficlets here and here, but I can't be bothered to code or think of titles anymore, and only three people care anyway, so. Deal.

Tomorrow is exactly one year from the day I posted my first full-length Alex/Lorelai fic! (It totally sucks now in retrospect, so don't go back and look at it. Please.) Happy anniversary, crackfic!

It's been a good year. I thank you all for being part of it.

wizened_cynic: (aj - overalls)
Whee! Happy birthday to me!!!!!!!

Okay, that was lame. I don't even celebrate my birthday. In fact, I've given my mother and brother strict orders to tell anyone who calls me tonight that I'm out having dinner with friends or some stupid shit like that. My Hong Kong people are well-meaning, and I love them as much as I am capable of, but a girl just wants to be left in peace to watch House and SVU, you know?

Anyway, I'm 21. It's pretty much downhill from here.

It's also [livejournal.com profile] deuce81's birthday, and I wrote her birthday fic as a present, and it's also a present to myself, because I'm lame like that.

Kidfic. Sequel to designs on you, a.k.a. the one about Lorelai's birthday party during which she kissed a girl for the very first time. This time, it's Alex's turn to have a birthday.

Some inappropriate pubescent-age kissing. You are warned.

This is officially the worst birthday of Alex's entire LIFE. )

It's also [livejournal.com profile] randomscratches's birthday (the fact that we have the same birthday proves that all those horoscope-things are bullshit, because we cannot be more different) (she's Slutty's ex) today, so happy birthday to her too! And tomorrow is [livejournal.com profile] eolan's birthday! There must've been something in the water.

wizened_cynic: (anxiety pen)
I wrote this way back in March, but I'm having a really slow day today. I have a slow day every day. Time passes so slowly here, like a fat kid at a track meet, a snail on Xanax, an elderly man with his hand in his pants, desperately trying to achieve a climax.


So as I was saying, time is being motherfucking slow and suddenly I remember this ficlet. I pretty much feel the way Lorelai does in here, except I'm not 12. I act like I'm 12, but that's another issue altogether.

summer kidfic of dooooom )

Oh, also, a note of interest: this 75-year-old woman was arrested for prostitution today. SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD! She was charging 20 dollars for a blowjob, apparently. I don't know why, but this piece of news fascinates me.

I maintain that news in Hong Kong is way more interesting than news in Canada. In Vancouver, and I swear to god I saw this on the front page of the Vancouver Sun, the headlines say shit like, Woman Loses Home in Fire: Neighbors Offer Shelter for Her and Her 49 Cats.

Dude, last week in Hong Kong, they had THREE homicides in TWO DAYS, in addition to a GROUP SUICIDE. Which is nothing compared to Manhattan, where, as we've all learned from Law and Order, such an accurate source of information, that almost every hour someone gets brutally raped and murdered. Still. I find it very exciting.

Tomorrow (or, well, next time I have internet access), I'll tell you about the MORGUE CRISIS. They're stacking bodies on top of each other! THERE ARE GRAVE ROBBERS!

Speaking of grave-robbers, my brother is working as an intern (read: paper-pushing slave) at a law firm this summer, and he absolutely HATES it, even though he doesn't really have to DO anything. He told me the other day that he's not suited for office work; he needs a job where he can move around and actually DO stuff.

Me: Like a construction worker?
Bro: No. Like an undertaker.

Which makes me contemplate about what other interesting occupations there are out there. In addition to what Charlie Bucket's parents do, which is screwing caps onto tubes of toothpaste --- which is obsolete these days, what with computerized technology and all; there are now toothpaste cap-screwing robots, I'm sure --- my brother could also consider:

1. a wonton wrapper --- there are machines that do this, but hand-wrapped wontons are, like, HAUTE CUISINE here
2. the guy who opens all the letters that are stamped with RETURN TO SENDER but have no return addresses --- I'm sure he could find some really interesting stuff: fingernail clippings, love poems, anthrax, etc.
3. tombstone engraver --- he'd need a steady hand, though
4. male escort --- though repeated viewings of SVU has convinced me that this is a DANGEROUS profession
5. neurosurgeon

wizened_cynic: (Default)
My Hebrew test sucked. My German midterm sucked.

But here is fic. It comes with, like, background info you need to know. [livejournal.com profile] flying_peanuts runs a prompt community called [livejournal.com profile] even_angels_ and twice a month she gives out several prompts and we're supposed to write fic for them. There are more rules, except I can't be bothered to actually follow them. Her prompts are usually crazy beautiful and poetic, and since I do not do beautiful or poetic, I asked for dinosaurs. She promised to give me dinosaurs next time if I wrote one for this round, so I did.

I ran with prompt one (go look in the community yourself, because I am way too fucking lazy to type it all out) and so, yeah, here it is, all fucked up and without dinosaurs. I am actually too scared to post it on the community because a) it is one of my cracked-up crossovers, b) it is way over the fucking word count, and c) I'm not sure how Peanuts feels about fic involving minors. So. Here it is.

what happens during the summer Lorelai is eleven )

For Peanuts, who provided the prompts and lured me with pterodactyls, and [livejournal.com profile] tremblingmoon and [livejournal.com profile] annapie, who did not make me feel like a freak when I said I like kidfic.

I will be skipping two of my three classes tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a good day.
wizened_cynic: (Default)
I broke my own rules.

I know, I'm terrible.

Instead of writing my evil paper on Medea, by which I mean I "creatively paraphrase" other people's arguments, somehow I wrote HORRIBLE BAD WRONG ALEX/LORELAI FIC instead.

I blame [livejournal.com profile] thelastgoodname for most of it, because she said in a comment a long time ago that it's totally plausible for Alex and Lorelai to have met each other as children at their mother's DAR functions, and seriously, DO NOT SAY THESE THINGS TO ME. THAT IS BAIT, PEOPLE! BAIT!

Which is why I ended up writing a big gay Judy Blume novel-type thing that is three times as long as what I have done so far for the PAPER WHICH IS DUE MONDAY. I am in pain, people. This paper is going to kill me, and I have a German midterm right after, and I AM SUFFERING, and I think you should suffer with me, which is why I am posting this fic.

[livejournal.com profile] thenewhope beta'ed half of it but then I gave up because there was very little she could do to make it better. Because look, I reduced Alex and Lorelai to eleven-year-olds. And I can't even remember being eleven years old, so how could I write it decently? (I was never eleven years old. Once I hit the age of ten, I started growing backwards, and right now I'm your average four-month-old --- I get distracted by shiny things, and I like to grab at boobs.)

You guys will still love me, right? RIGHT? *cries*

the one with the horrible ff.net badfic clichés )
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