CNY redo!

Jan. 27th, 2009 10:49 pm
wizened_cynic: (alex - wisconsin)
Ignore the other two CNY fics I posted earlier. They suck. Read this one instead, it doesn't suck. Well, it sucks less. And it's about them Anglo-Saxon lesbians in the crazy small town!

This is the year that Chinese New Year will sweep the nation. )

Nugget and Widget haven't been getting along since I made them make out. It's awkward for hamsters around these places.

I have written 142 words on judicially reviewable decisions. I am going to die.
wizened_cynic: (SPN AU - lorelai + sam)
PEOPLE. IT'S DONE. Man, this is going to be a fun one to explain when I post the fic to [ profile] red_packet. Basically SPN! Alex and Lorelai go to San Francisco on a hunt! And they run into Lindsay Boxer! (Yeah, I might've been mainlining on WMC eps on, and speaking of, that Cindy is adorable stuff, isn't she?) The Monster of the Week is roughly based on this, and everything I know about San Francisco comes from Wikipedia.

Here goes, guys. Another unholy crossover by yours truly.

Lorelai has never met Abbie Carmichael, but Lorelai HAS seen her picture on Facebook, and Lorelai has an excellent memory when it comes to faces, so she is fairly certain that the woman shoving her into an interrogation room is the same woman who used to yell, 'Alex, it's your psychotic sister!' whenever Lorelai called. )

A million thanks as usual to [ profile] bank_farter who enables, encourages, and entertains. It's every bit as dirty as it sounds. The Scrubs shoutouts are all yours, PB!

wizened_cynic: (lorelai - devious)

Every new year, on this most sacred of days, I try to write porn. It's not exactly traditional, but hey, it's all about fusion these days, you know? So writing porn for Chinese new year is like ... combining Chinese New Year ... and porn.

It's late and I'm hungry, okay?

Anyway, I said I'd post a fic for each day of Reading Week, and I decided I would post one of them early, since it's the actual day of Chinese New Year and all. Mostly pedantic and doesn't make a lot of sense. In other words, like everything I've ever written.

I'm sure the Chinese community is thrilled that their most important festival of the year is being usurped by Anglo-Saxon lesbians. )

An alarming percentage of you believe that my decisions are based on a fictional character.

You guys are not entirely wrong.

Happy Year of the Boar!

wizened_cynic: (claire? claire!)
This is another one of those late-night fic posts that I will come to regret in the morning.

Part Three of Christmas fic, still no idea what to call it. Cover Me Be Patient. From this. I think I have the song, so maybe I'll upload it later.

This fic contains inside jokes that are probably only funny to, well, the girl. Yes, yes, this is disgustingly fluffy transference fic, and I am sorry that Lorelai is GROSSLY OUT OF CHARACTER, but you know, if AMY AND DANIEL AND DAVID DON'T CARE, I don't think you should either. Okay, why am I fussing about this when, hello, I have been making Lorelai a COMPLETE LESBIAN for the last 11 months? The mind, it boggles.

'I don't even want to know how you went about finding an anatomically-correct baby Jesus.' )

Previous parts here. Now with sparkling new headers!

I can't remember if I brushed my teeth or not. I'm just going to take an Advil for my EVIL, NON-CHRISTMASY cramps and go to sleep.

Edit: The song is here for the pleasure of your ears.

wizened_cynic: (Default)
I'm posting Part Two of Christmas fic here, so that Lo will have something to read just in case I don't get home from my shrink appointment in time tomorrow.


It's 3 in the morning and I'm fucking exhausted and yeah, it's porny and kind of retarded and I suck at porn and you know that but I think you should just let me off because I do not use any of the following words in my sex scenes: nub, nectar, honey, essence, folds, moist, and anything that rhymes with hokies.

Any references to The Odyssey are courtesy of my CLST prof and [ profile] deuce81.

The title of the whole three-parter fic is (temporarily) Happy Christmas (War is Over) but I might change it because it is kind of cheesy and retarded. Yes, the fic is cheesy and retarded, but there's no need for people to KNOW THAT just from the title. The section titles are from T.S. Eliot's Burnt Norton. Lo came up with them, because she is the best.

Again, always. For the girl.

Alex considers telling Lorelai, 'Fuck you,' but Lorelai will probably say something irritating and obvious along the lines of, 'I believe I just did.' )

Part uno can be found here.

It should also be noted that the name Lorelai, in fact, means "siren's lure" in ancient Gaelic or something.

wizened_cynic: (crack pairing)
I don't have much to say about House tonight as I was too busy running up and down the stairs to talk to someone very important. Not Hu Jin Tao. I did see how House was an ass and broke Cuddy's heart and I AM VERY MAD DO NOT BE MEAN TO CUDDY ALL SHE WANTS IS A BABY WITH BLUE EYES DON'T YOU SEE?

Second, SVU. Dear fucking god, was this episode written by 12-year-old fangirls from The case was boring. Everyone was boring. Everyone was boring and loves Olivia indiscriminantly, be they male, female, or PRISON DOCTORS. When does she have time to POLISH her halo?

Anyway, blah blah blah I had a rough few days back during American Thanksgiving but now I am having an EXCELLENT FEW DAYS and I am really, really, really happy, the kind of happy that makes your heart hurt and your stomach floppy and you can't believe this is actually true and maybe you just made it up and you are secretly dead, SHOT TO DEATH BY COLOMBIAN DRUGLORDS.

So I wrote fic.

It's snowy and as cold as Satan's testicles in Vancouver right now, so I had no choice but to write something disgustingly Christmasy. In fact, this fic is supposed to be in three parts, detailing three Christmases Alex spends with Lorelai. This is part one. The overall fic has no title yet; I am still waiting for the brilliant and esteemed Lo to pull one out of her ass.

For another, who knows me by heart. Away illusive wooly. Always.

'Bigger is better!' Lorelai yells in between sips of hot chocolate. 'Size does matter!' 'You just want an excuse to make more popcorn balls!' Alex yells back, and Luke says, tiredly, 'Is it just me or is this conversation getting a tad dirty?' )

I'm still shamelessly pimping my Stars Hollow Christmas mix. Download and listen! (Except for Brandon, who is an IDIOT and a GIRL and I don't care about his opinion because Lo thinks this mix is awesome SO THERE SUCK THIS.)

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