wizened_cynic: (SVU - worst cops ever)
I blame [livejournal.com profile] theholyinnocent. She posted this in her journal --- So here is your challenge, kind readers: if you respond to this entry, give me a novel in three lines! --- and naturally, I replied with this:

Once upon a time, there was an ice princess and a peasant girl who talked very fast. They had sex. The end.


Then I realized "The end" is technically not a sentence, but a fragment, so I made these amendments:

Once upon a time, there was an ice princess who was forced to leave her kingdom after being shot by the knight of an evil vicar and had to hide in a village of serfs. One of the serfs was a peasant girl who talked too much and was capable of multiple orgasms, as the princess soon discovered. They lived happily ever after. The end.


But that wasn't good enough. So in an IM window with [livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002, I wrote THIS. It's sort of like an SVU/Shrek crossover. Or, well, SVU as a fairytale, at the very least.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far enough away ... )

I need to quit law school and write children's books instead.
wizened_cynic: (Default)
Here it is: Part Two of my descent into fanfic hell.

I can't be arsed to watch Dora to actually mimick an episode like I did with Blue, so this is more of a parody of SVU than anything else. Do not read if you are sensitive to satire and squicky references to monkey bondage. (Don't worry, there is no actual sex in this fic, and definitely no human/animal sex or anything of the like.) You know what, do not read unless you are [livejournal.com profile] thelastgoodname or any other of the HORSES of the APOCALYPSE.

[livejournal.com profile] mosca and I had this conversation:

mosca: I just wrote a figure skating RPS/WBRPS crossover.
wcynic: I am writing an SVU/Dora the Explorer crossover.
mosca: you win

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU'RE NOT A FATHER! )

I swear on the life of Alex Cabot that there will be no more of these hellfics. They are called hellfics because they are going to destine me to hell.

Long weekend, so I will try to get some writing done. Back to your usual, normal, safe, unsquicky Alex/Lorelai fic. There might even be fluff and happiness! Nothing gross! Or wrong! Or will get me in trouble with PETA or the real sex crimes unit.

Please don't leave me.

wizened_cynic: (Default)
There. I've done it. Blue's Clues incest slash.

I don't even know what else to put in this entry. Yes, I know I'm going to special hell. Like there was ever a doubt about that.

In case you're not familiar with the characters, by which I mean I hope to GOD you're unfamiliar with the characters, here is the Wikipedia entry about this show.


I will never stop blaming thelastgoodname )

In other non-creepy fic news, I will not write the Alex-has-a-March-birthday fic. I will never write Alex-has-a-March-birthday fic. I am, however, going to write a fic wherein Lorelai gets bitten by a radioactive spider!

Speaking of which, Spiderman in Mumbai?

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wizened_cynic

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