wizened_cynic: (not a very good driver)
[personal profile] wizened_cynic
Kids, back in 2006, [livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 and I were partners in crime. None of you remember this because you were not even BORN then, so let me remind you of this brilliant review of the pilot of Conviction that we did back when it premiered.

(For those who do not remember, which is ALL of you, Conviction was the short-lived and terrible spinoff in which Alex Cabot was heterosexual and wore very ugly clothes.)

6 years later, a little older but none the wiser, we give you live commentary of the Season 14 premiere of SVU, guest-starring Paget Brewster and Cragen's penis.

Jew posted this on her Facebook status:

Does SVU REALLY need to say that the story is fictional at this point? I mean, hasn't this show gone so far over the top that everyone knows they're not depicting any actual person or event?


And the ensuing conversation happened in her comments.



Does SVU REALLY need to say that the story is fictional at this point? I mean, hasn't this show gone so far over the top that everyone knows they're not depicting any actual person or event?


[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic can we focus on what is truly important ie paget brewster's hair?
3 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 It did seem to be an improvement over her Criminal Minds hair and I still hate you for making me pay attention to hair.
2 hours ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic i change lives, dude. you know it.
2 hours ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Indeed you do, azn. Indeed you do. I just saw a picture of the new chick from CM pop up on my newsfeed and my first thought, which I actually said out loud to myself, was "what's wrong with her face?"
2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I AM WATCHING SVU NOW. I am torn between the horror of Cragen's moobs and the sadness that he had to be subject to the humiliation of dropping his pants in front of Warner.
about an hour ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic But both were overwhelmed by my feelz towards PB's hair and powersuit.
about an hour ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 "I'm gonna have to ask you to drop your shorts, Sir" cracked me up so hard. It was delivered with such seriousness.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I have no idea how all parties involved managed to keep a straight face. I cracked up when she said, "her saliva on his penis" CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT CRAGEN'S PENIS?
about an hour ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Ha! Yeah. Later on someone is talking to him and says "saliva on your genitals." I feel like working on that show would be the best time.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I AM SO UPSET THEY JUST REMANDED HIM TO SOLITARY CONFINEMENT AT RIKERS. I'm totally providing live commentary here. I'm sure you wouldn't mind.
about an hour ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Never. Your commentary is unsurpassed and only Craig comes close to matching it by saying "Boobies!" whenever he watches a show with nudity.
59 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic UNRELATED BY MOST HORRIFYING I HAVE SEEN TODAY SECOND TO CRAGEN'S MOOBS: http://img3.etsystatic.com/000/0/6282449/il_570xN.235185395.jpg

http://img3.etsystatic.com/000/0/6282449/il_570xN.235185395.jpg
img3.etsystatic.com
59 minutes ago · Like · Remove Preview

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT? I'm glad it's only 11:30 in the morning because I don't think I could sleep after that.
57 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Cragen's Moobs is totally my new band name.
57 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Please, I EXCEL at finding weird, horrifying shit on the interwebs. Cragen's Moobs one hit wonder will be "Saliva on your genitals"
55 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 From the album Knife Play (which you may not have gotten to yet).
54 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic SPOILER ALERT
54 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic omg awkward pointless exposition is awkwardly pointless
53 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 It wouldn't be SVU without awkward pointless exposition.
53 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic He has exposure here? DOES HE MEAN HERPES?
52 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic OH WHY IS HE MAKING WHOREMONGING SO DEPRESSING?
51 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic why is whoremonging not used more frequently in everyday speak?
51 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 That's a good question. Henceforth, I shall set a goal to add whoremonging into my daily lexicon.
49 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Or is it mongering?
49 minutes ago via mobile · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic THIS IS AWESOME. FIN IS STARING AT A DEAD CHICK IN A BLOODY BATHTUB AND HE JUST SAID, "It's too late. She's gone." To quote you, my jew, "The obvious train just pulled up to to the no shit station."
49 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic i think mong is the verb and monger is "one who mongs." But I'm not an expert in monging so I wouldn't know.
48 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Oh, paget's eyelashes are the best part of this episode.
48 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Oh HA! at that quote of mine that I totally forgot about. Also, you should totally become an expert in monging. I'm sure that's a thing. There's probably a liberal arts degree for that somewhere.
47 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic My PHD will be in monging. It'll look so great on my CV.
46 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I hate this Stabler-lite.
46 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 There ya go.
46 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Amaro? He's pretty, but he's no Stabler.
45 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Am I supposed to beleive that PB's character would have a fat daughter?
45 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic RUN OFF A CLIFF BY A CEMENT MIXER
44 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic OMG SVU
44 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I'm pretty sure that's exactly how I want to die.
44 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic no way, you'll totally end up a headless, fingerless, toothless corpse washed up ashore somewhere
44 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Fair point. I'll just change that to, I want to be the person that comes up with the deaths for SVU.
43 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I'm totally going to anonymize us and then post this on lj with a link to our Conviction live commentary from 2006.
42 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 DIGITAL STEAM
42 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic IT WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN
42 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic THEY ARE SITTING SHIVA FOR A DEAD HOOKER
40 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I KNOW!
40 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Best shiva.
39 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Hang on I'm going to fastforward this boring part without anybody I want to fuck.
39 minutes ago · Like · 1

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I keep expecting Dennis Duffy to sell these losers a beeper
37 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I love how these people can file motions without any paperwork
37 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Someone who may or may not know what the hell they're doing told me that that sort of thing can all be done electronically now.
36 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Me? I'm inclined to believe THE LAWYER.
36 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Even if they can do it electronically, you still have to fill in FORMS. These lezzies just want, "I AM JUST RANDOMLY ASKING FOR SHIT AND HOPING YOU GIVE IT TO ME!"
34 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I'm so annoyed now
34 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I have no idea what this episode is about
34 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I'm 52 minutes in
34 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I still don't know.
33 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I've had an entire night to process it and STILL I have no idea what I spent two hours watching happen.
33 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic SOMEONE JUST GOT RUN OVER BY A BIKE
33 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic THEY'RE ALL POLICE ON THE JOB!
32 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic omg
31 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic i bet that uniformed cop was a stripper
31 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic like on arrested development
31 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I still haven't watched Arrested Development.
31 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 But I have been reading the meme that puts Mitt Romney quotes on that rich looking white woman.
31 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic the first two seasons are actually pretty funny but then it gets too smug and meta about itself
30 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Awesome. I might try again.
29 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 If I muster up the caring.
29 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic also watch the league. there was a hilarious sukkot episode last year. with swatzikas.
29 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 That's awesome. I watched a few episodes of it year before last but then never stayed up with it.
28 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic omg i am so bored by these people's fake problems
27 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I know! I need more dead hookers in my life, not more pretty people with problems.
26 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Rollins is badass
25 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic there's no steam from her coffee though
24 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic there's no coffee in her coffee
24 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Rollins is easily my favorite right now. Too bad they forgot to digitize her coffee.
24 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic God, NYPD sucks. That dumbass cop shoots Cassidy twice at point blank and HE LIVES??!??!?!!
23 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 NYPD is literally the worst at everything.
22 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic She's not who she used to be because she got botox and her boobs got freakishly large.
22 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I thought there was something off about Benson. I'm going to need to pay more attention to boobs.
21 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I always look t the boobs first
21 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Then hair
21 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic "HIS HOUSE IS A HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION"
20 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I'll have to remember that. That seems to work out well for you.
20 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Another phrase I need to start using on a daily basis.
20 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic which surely you can do once you become a professional whoremonger
19 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Exactly. Mine will be a house of prostitution.
18 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I'll make sure to retain you as counsel.
18 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I will visit frequently and bring with me gifts of lube.
18 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I'll pay you with prostitutes.
18 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I look forward to reactions if anyone on my friends list chooses to read this.
16 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic IS PILLOWTALK ADMISSIBLE OR HEARSAY?
15 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic "I killed her." "What?" *eyeroll* "I didn't mean to."
14 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic "He's on my payroll, and it turns out he's UC AND he's screwing my fiancee"
14 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic god bless svu writers
14 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic they are a special bunch
14 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 SVU needs to stay on the air for a few more years so I can get a job writing for it. I feel like I could really nail that subtle, nuanced dialogue.
13 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic God, I seriously thought Olivia would follow "use of a deadly weapon" with "YOUR PENIS"
12 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 HA!
11 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 That needs to be a thing.
11 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I totally have the same fake law books on my shelves, notwithstanding that WE ARE NOT EVEN THE SAME COUNTRY.
11 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 You must use the same set designer, which further confirms my theory that the law is actually a complete farce, no matter where you are.
9 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic Pretty much. One time I billed a client for the shit I took when reading her stuff on my Blackberry,
8 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I need to find a way to make money while pooping.
8 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic I just cannot get over the fat kid
7 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic how would she even give birth to that fat a kid?
7 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic and how would that fat kid have that strange disease with glass bones?
7 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic wouldn't the fat just make the bones collapse?
7 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic should've stuck with lukemia
7 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic wow her hair is awesome in this scene
7 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I assume the kid is fat *because* of her bone disease. Like, she can't actually exercise because her bones would break. Or something.
6 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic worst lawyers
6 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic never confess dumbfuck
5 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic these people have never watched svu
5 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic her hair is amaaaaaaaaazing
5 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 So much better than Criminal Minds.
5 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic hahahahaha i love that every single episode ever they have to remind olivia that she is an old childless slag that nobody loves
4 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic and she makes that scrunchy bitchface
4 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Maybe she wouldn't be an old childless slag if she didn't make that bitchface all the time.
4 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Or wasn't, you know, an incompetent moron.
3 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic she is just unlovable
3 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic i love that they arrested all of new york
3 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic so ... this show is about sex crimes?
2 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 I know, like, dudes, you've just taken down the government and law enforcement of the entire city.
2 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic it's more like CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY. AND LOGIC.
2 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Well, it is "special" victims unit. Maybe special has a different connotation at this point.
2 minutes ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic SHE IS STILL MAKING THE BITCHFACE
about a minute ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic WHY IS SHE CRYING
about a minute ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Because Mariska wants another emmy.
about a minute ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic How is this show still nominated for emmys?
about a minute ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic also i just finished
about a minute ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] wizened_cynic i'm going to anonymize us and then post on livejournal
about a minute ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Awesome.
a few seconds ago · Like

[livejournal.com profile] drummer_jew2002 Best commentary is best.



Now I have to, like, drink sleep tea so I can go to sleep and wake up to another day of agony and self-loathing.

Date: 2012-09-27 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com
So I totally followed that link to the Conviction commentary and was APPALLED to learn that I liked James Blunt in 2006. The fuck was wrong with me?

Other than that, it's nice to know we're just as witty and awesome as ever.

Date: 2012-09-27 04:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK IS JAMES BLUNT. Was that the guy who looked like a vagina?

We are, aren't we?

NEVER CHANGE, JEW. NEVER CHANGE.

I seriously need to go to bed. I have work tomorrow. Fuck.

Date: 2012-09-27 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com
I think so. He sang those weird white boy crying songs in that high pitched nasal voice that was all up in his nasal. I am disappointed in my 2006 self.

I would tell you to have a great day, but that feels rather pointless at this point. So, instead, have a tolerable day and try not to kill anyone except in your fantasies! I'm going to go play World of Warcraft for school. I love studying the creative arts.

Date: 2012-09-27 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] metalphoenix.livejournal.com
WHY IS PAGET ON SVU?

Do I actually have to watch SVU now? wtf.

Did you ever find out if pillow talk is admissible?

Date: 2012-09-28 12:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
Relax, she was just a guest star.

A GUEST STAR WITH AMAZING HAIR.

Sadly we don't, and I am not qualified to advise on New York Law. But I can tell you that in most Anglo-Commonwealth jurisdictions, pillowtalk is hearsay and therefore is generally inadmissible, unless the other guy confesses to murder. And isn't your spouse. Because of marital privilege and all that. Hookers are fair game though as long as you're not married to them.

Date: 2012-09-29 12:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] metalphoenix.livejournal.com
Thank god, because I love Paget, but not that much.

Date: 2012-09-27 10:55 pm (UTC)
ext_425300: (home)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
Was someone actually sitting shiva in this episode or were you and drummer_jew just making jokes?

Paget's character had a fat kid? How old?

Are you and drummer_jew going to do this for Made in Jersey?

Date: 2012-09-28 12:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
No, there was actual sitting of shiva for a dead hooker. We did not make that shit up. Apparently we don't need to.

The kid is 9 but looks, like, 12. She's chubby and probably will grow out of it, but she's not cute and she looks nothing like Paget and like, surely they could have cast a prettier kid? I feel mean. I have high expectations from writing so much kidfic.

I don't know, maybe? It depends on whether we are online at the same time. There is a 12 hour time difference between us, as opposed to 3. Man, 2006 was awesome.

Date: 2012-09-28 06:26 pm (UTC)
ext_425300: (home)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
No, there was actual sitting of shiva for a dead hooker. We did not make that shit up.

Dude, now I have to watch this part. Do you remember approximately where in the show was this scene?

I agree that it's very uncool to have a character played by Paget with an ugly kid. [livejournal.com profile] nike_ravus's Didi and whatever kid you gave Emily do NOT APPROVE of this quantum sister/cousin.

There is a 12 hour time difference between us.

Well, if you can't, you can't. I'm still interested in your opinion on SM. Like, if she makes FML faces on camera.

Date: 2012-09-28 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com
SM is going to be on Made in Jersey? My god, that title alone begs for commentary.

WC, hit me up with your schedule if you feel you'll have the time to view this thing (which, knowing you and SM, you would kill a thousand puppies to find the time). My unemployed self can be around whenever the hell it wants to be. If it weren't for being broke all the time, not having a job would be the best.

Not to hijack someone else's comment thread or anything, but we need a snarky commentary blog stat. Snarkmentary.

Date: 2012-09-28 11:05 pm (UTC)
ext_425300: (home)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
Entertainment Weekly gave Made in Jersey an F+. I will now quote some of the review:

"...the lone redemptive note comes from Stephanie March, playing a senior lawyer whose name might as well be Cruella, the Ice Queen of Bitchface Mountain. March's sole character trait is that she despises Martina with all the subtlety of an Amazonian Billy Zabka. She's suppose to be the antagonist, but she's more like the audience surrogate."
Edited Date: 2012-09-28 11:05 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-09-28 11:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com
That sounds absolutely amazing. In every possible way. I mean, that show sounds, like, Conviction levels of awful.

Date: 2012-09-28 11:14 pm (UTC)
ext_425300: (bonesbond)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
Snark and enjoy!

Date: 2012-09-29 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
We're actually having a long weekend here, so I'll probably download the ep this afternoon (your early morning) and how about we reconvene around 10:30 pm my time (10:30 am your time) on 29 September 2012? Holy shit, I type British now.

Do you want to do it on facebook again, or shall I open a post here on LJ and then we just do it in the comments?

I won't lie, I've been looking forward to this for a long time. It's going to be SO AWFUL. Like, EVEN WORSE THAN CONVICTION AWFUL.

Date: 2012-09-29 03:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drummer-jew2002.livejournal.com
Sounds like a plan. I actually have to get up early anyway because I have a wedding at 1:30. Remember Meg? GETTING MARRIED. TOMORROW. (Well, tonight for you, I suppose.) 10:30 it is. I think I recommend Facebook for its more instantaneous approach. Plus LJ litters my inbox with "____ replied to your comment" nonsense. Up to you though, since you post it here anyway.

Date: 2012-09-29 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
Oh, no worries, I would've totally given a detailed review of SM's FML face in Made in Jersey. My love for her has been distracted by my love for PB, but rest assured it has not waned!

The hooker shiva was halfway through the first ep, I think. You'll know you're there when you see Dr. Taub from house (short Jewish man) putting black cloths on a mirror.

Ahahahahahhaa, I love how Emily is exceptionally fertile in fic and only capable of giving birth to daughters. I think Didi, Miranda, and Beatrice prefer crazy Byrd from Huff over unattractive and woefully ill Sarah from SVU. I mean, if they were real kids who could choose other real siblings to be related to.

Date: 2012-09-29 03:09 am (UTC)
ext_425300: (home)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
Oh, no worries, I would've totally given a detailed review of SM's FML face in Made in Jersey.

YAY!

Cool, thanks for the shiva time.

I mean, if they were real kids who could choose other real siblings to be related to.

They're quantum kids -- of course they can choose. They only appear in universes that they approve of.

I just had a weird thought: Didi grows up and marries Miranda. Their relationship is like Paris and Rory.

Date: 2012-09-29 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
I just had a weird thought: Didi grows up and marries Miranda. Their relationship is like Paris and Rory.

If one's willing to overlook the incest, it actually makes so much fucking sense.

Date: 2012-09-29 03:18 am (UTC)
ext_425300: (home)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
If one's willing to overlook the incest

They're from different universes (but still find each other) so it's not exactly incest.

it actually makes so much fucking sense.

Thank you.

Date: 2012-09-29 06:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
But they have the same mother! So it's always going to be incest. But hey, I'm not judging. I watched Supernatural for 5 years, and that show is all about inappropriately sexually-charged relationships with your brother.

Date: 2012-09-29 05:12 pm (UTC)
ext_425300: (home)
From: [identity profile] mayireadtoday.livejournal.com
Not to mention the incest you've written :) I love your Lorelai/Alex Supernatural AU.
Edited Date: 2012-09-29 05:13 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-09-29 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
Exactly! And thank you! I love that AU too, it's so much fun. I should get back to it but these days I'm preoccupied with het babyfic. God, it's like 1998 again.

Date: 2012-09-28 01:36 pm (UTC)
havocthecat: the lady of shalott (Default)
From: [personal profile] havocthecat
I'm just relieved to know that I would only need to watch one ep of SVU to see Paget, because I gave up SVU years ago. CANNOT TAKE IT ANY MORE.

Date: 2012-09-28 01:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
Between Paget and Stephanie March, SVU keeps reeling me back in. Hopefully I can finally quit again after this episode.

OMG WATCH IT. SHE IS SOOOOOOOOOO GORGEOUS IN IT AND THE LAST SCENE! SHE IS SO GOOD!

And there's this one scene with Mariska, Paget, and Brooke Smith, and the earth tilted a little off its axis from the sheer number of LESBIANS (or at least, actresses who play characters who are lesbians) on TV.

Date: 2012-09-28 01:52 pm (UTC)
havocthecat: the lady of shalott (Default)
From: [personal profile] havocthecat
I hope that SVU shows up on my On Demand so I don't actually have to hunt this shit down. Because I don't want to expend effort. I am LAZY. But. But. I will totally track it down to reach that scene you're talking about.

Date: 2012-09-29 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
There is also this one other scene where Paget leans over a desk and hers and Mariska's cleavage have an epic battle over which is more gloriously prominent.

It was AWESOME.

Date: 2012-10-08 04:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aquila1nz.livejournal.com
It's not just one episode of SVU, it's one Very Special Epsiode. As evidenced by the number of name guest stars. I can't believe I watched it.

Date: 2012-09-29 04:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silverturtle87.livejournal.com
Wow. That sounds just awful. With the exception of everything Paget, of course. Your commentary almost makes me want to watch it though.

Date: 2012-09-29 08:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
you should! Paget makes it worthwhile. There's one scene where she leans forward on a desk and the audience is treated to 10 mins of her awesome cleavage.

Date: 2012-09-30 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silverturtle87.livejournal.com
Well, with a selling point like that...

Date: 2012-09-30 12:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annapie.livejournal.com
I waited to read this until I could see the episode and good Lord your commentary is the only thing that made it bearable. Why is this show still on air? And wtf happened in the episode? Olivia saved ALL OF NEW YORK and got to ugly cry for being a childless one-tomato person and showed awesome rack and is it time someone writes fic about her and Paget Brewster? Because that bit of cleavage off between them was awesome.

I sort of miss Stable punching lockers. Everyone else just doesn't have the rage. And Cragen's moobs - and what is Warner like the only person who could examine him? Also IS HE A CORPSE THAT HE NEEDS TO BE EXAMINED BY THE ME?

Date: 2012-09-30 02:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
As much as I loved the epic cleavage smackdown, I think Foster deserves better than Olivia. Seriously, at this point, I think Pol Pot deserves better than Olivia Benson. I hate this show so much and I hate what Warren Leight did to it. Neal Baer was on crack but at least his SVU was SVU. WL's SVU is like CI 2.0. Get your CI out of my SVU, buddy.

But whatever. Nice to know I don't have to watch any more of this shit. Until SM comes back anyway. Fuck my fucking life, oh my god.

Date: 2012-09-30 02:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annapie.livejournal.com
I am torn between who won the cleavage smackdown. I want to say they're all winners, but something terrible inside me says that MH is going down the grandma route now and I'm less attracted to aged cleavage, so Foster wins. But can't they both win?

And I disagree, I want this season (is it the last? When is the last season?) to end with Olivia with like twelve adopted children of every skin colour barefoot on a farm with, oh I dunno, this Foster chick (who'll be let out on account of having a fat ugly child who no one but her will take care of) or, like, Munch. And all her kids are going to be shitty brats and she's going to hate their guts. And then Rollins can drop by from time to time to remind her about the real world and being all badass while doing it. And Cassidy can be selling pagers on the side and being a MAN IN HER LIFE AND A FATHER FIGURE.

Also, why did she kiss Cassidy what? In s1 (and I could rewatch because I own it on DVD but let's be real here) they had a one night stand and then he cried and left SVU, right? That was it?

Date: 2012-09-30 02:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
I'd say Foster wins just because I find Benson's grandma boobs to be oppressively huge. Like, she had a nice rack in seasons 2 to 5, but after she got knocked up things just haven't been the same, and not in a good way.

I don't know how familiar you are with PB, but she has some fantastic tits: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpfh22fc4S1qlmmb0o1_500.jpg

She's like Lauren Graham; they have perfectly sized breasts.

There is never going to be a last season. This show will be on even after we die, I swear to fucking god.

Yeah, in Season 1 Cassidy left after not being able to deal with a rape victim (also, because he was a shitty SVU cop) and this new undercover Cassidy, I don't even know where he came from. I quit last season after Alex's last ep, so I didn't even bother with the finale. I don't know, the writers will make Olivia kiss any person with a penis at this point, to assert her heterosexuality and her desire to be a mother so she can legitimately say she understands ALL THE SUFFERING IN THE WORLD.

Date: 2012-09-30 03:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annapie.livejournal.com
That's a good point, her rack has been huge ever since she had that gorgeous baby of hers. I prefer regular fit in your palm size as well. I am not familiar with PB at all, so this cap is hugely appreciated. And I mean hugely.

And speaking of Lauren Graham, are you watching Parenthood? LG looked absolutely beautiful in the latest episode. I actually paused and just stared at her for a few moments.

Yeah, didn't he go to like Narcotics or something? I remember Cragen specifically sent him to talk to a little girl to make him decide to quit, but I was unaware of some sort of a torch Olivia held for him, or he for her, ugh show.

I can't quit this show. I download every week and then watch them in a bulk while cleaning or cooking. Dick Wolf must be putting something in my water.

Date: 2012-10-01 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
You say gorgeous, I say deformed. Even in recent pictures, that kid has one eye bigger than the other.

Have another PB cap: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb6imboxkS1qc987yo1_250.gif

I stopped watching Parenthood sometime into the second season, because it got so soapy and stupid and bad. To the point that not even LG can make me watch it. Plus I always hated her character and found Sarah to be Lorelai without all the redeeming qualities, and I'm not touching that shit again. Maybe you can make screencaps?

Olivia and Cassidy were together for like, 2.5 seconds in Season 1 or something. Maybe I'm confusing it with fic [livejournal.com profile] annakovsky wrote though.

Man, I feel bad for you. It feels GOOD to have quit this mess. I even quit Criminal Minds as well, and that is also becoming quite a travesty. This season I'm just waiting for Raising Hope, The League, and Happy Endings. All sitcoms, low-maintenance, fast downloads. The truth is somehow I just stopped watching TV. Work does that to a person, sadly.

Date: 2012-09-30 02:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
But yeah. Rollins is fucking awesome. She and Fin need their own show.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2012-11-30 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
The hair is way too amazing for words. I agree with you on the lighter tone, though she looks really good with really dark hair too. ANYTHING EXCEPT LAUREN. ANYTHING EXCEPT LAUREN.

I didn't even watch the Alex Eames eps. It took me years to quit this stupid show. Rollins is awesome and she needs her own show with Fin where they solve crime and Olivia gets hit by a bus or something. God I hate that show. CM is totally following its footsteps, and c'est ne pas a COMPLIMENT.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2012-12-04 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wizened-cynic.livejournal.com
It's been over 10 years since my French lesson and I still understood most of that. Especially sucking MAJOR ASS.

Oh, dude, did you ever read [livejournal.com profile] daygloparker's Eames/Goren fic? THE BEST. I was never a steady watcher of CI but I liked how no-nonsense Eames was. Goren got on my nerves though, esp when he started to look like a bear.
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